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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26783953">In Bloom, With You</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/nekosd43/pseuds/nekosd43'>nekosd43</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Critical Role (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Bathing/Washing, Body Positive, Boundaries, Canon Asexual Character, Demisexual Caduceus Clay, Explicit Consent, Fantasy Biology, First Kiss, Friends With Benefits, Frottage, Hair Braiding, Hair Brushing, Hair-pulling, Hand Jobs, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Just Different, Knotting, M/M, Masturbation, Masturbation Interruptus, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Mating Rituals, Sex Positive, The Wildmother ships it, Trans Fjord (Critical Role), Trans Male Character, Unrequited Love, Vaginal Fingering, Virgin Caduceus Clay, aroace caduceus clay, but like not in a sad way, im so excited to add that tag, reactive heats, safe words, sex as religious experience, sex ed with fjord but nice and soft, the author gets horny for worldbuilding more than sex, unusual anatomy (sheaths)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 05:30:11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>29,936</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26783953</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/nekosd43/pseuds/nekosd43</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"When a firbolg comes of age, still young in the long lived span of their species but mature enough to be seen as an adult, the springtime could bring on a change in their bodies that would otherwise be dormant and still.  A quickening of pulse, a catching of breath, a feeling of warmth deep in their loins.  This was nothing to be afraid of, this was a part of life.</p><p>Someday, all firbolgs would experience their first mating season.</p><p>It had just never happened to Caduceus."</p><p>The "It's Caduceus' First Rut and Fjord Wants to Help" fic you all knew you wanted.</p><p>Update (11/23/2020): Chapters 1-6 are now edited to include Caduceus' canon aromantic identity!  New chapters to come.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Caduceus Clay &amp; Fjord, Caduceus Clay/Fjord</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>145</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>379</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Edited on November 22 to reflect Cad's reveal as Aroace!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>In a way, Caduceus should have known it would happen.</p><p>Springtime was always a welcome sight in the Blooming Grove.  The bursting of color on the graves after the long white winter, full of life after lying dormant for a season under a layer of snow, was a sign that the Wildmother was taking care of them.  But Caduceus’ mother often pulled aside her children to tell them of another blossoming that could happen when the flowers were at their brightest - a blossoming <em> within </em> them.</p><p>When a firbolg comes of age, still young in the long lived span of their species but mature enough to be seen as an adult, the springtime could bring on a change in their bodies that would otherwise be dormant and still.  A quickening of pulse, a catching of breath, a feeling of warmth deep in their loins.  This was nothing to be afraid of, this was a part of life.</p><p>Someday, all firbolgs would experience their first mating season.</p><p>It had just never happened to Caduceus.</p><p>Oh it had happened <em> around </em> him.  He had seen his mother and father in the springtime, knew the fire in their eyes that the blooming flowers would bring.  And he had seen it happen to his siblings, both Colton and Calliope reaching maturity and experiencing their first spring in the heat of this transformation to adulthood.  But not Caduceus.  Never Caduceus.</p><p>This was not unusual, his mother told him.  Firbolgs bloomed at different rates, and there were so many factors to determine when an individual’s blossoming would happen.  Age of course was part of it, but there was also a reactive nature to it - the body didn’t waste the energy if it did not have access to a viable mate.  </p><p>His mother and father bloomed every year within days of each other, for they were constantly with the one who their bodies had deemed worthy of mating (and as Caduceus was well aware, they took advantage every year, even if it did not always result in child).  Colton and Calliope never bloomed in years where they spent most of their days in the Grove - their bodies knew all too well that the people around them were blood, not to be mated.  But when they travelled for long periods in the fall or winter, sometimes they would come home for a blossoming spring, having spent time in the world around others who their body had deemed worthy.</p><p>But Caduceus and Clarabelle had not had their blossoming.</p><p>Clarabelle made sense, she was still very young.  But Caduceus was an adult, fully mature by <em> many </em> seasons.  His mother assured him it was because he stayed diligently at home and did not travel far beyond their grounds.  While they occasionally got visitors in the Grove, it was not for long enough for his body to begin preparation for the springtime.  </p><p>There simply had never been anyone worth mating around long enough for his body to realize it. </p><p>And in truth, he had felt no interest in seeking one out.</p><p>Still, his mother, father, and aunt were wise enough to teach all their children the basics.  How to notice the signs, what to do when it happens.  Caduceus had been given “the talk” many times, especially in years where his siblings bloomed.  He knew all too well how to notice the signs on <em> other </em> firbolgs - the musky smell, the trembling hands, the racing heart, the beading sweat - but he had never experienced them for himself.</p><p>And perhaps after ten years of isolation, he had forgotten that it was even a possibility.</p><p>His mother assured him that this change, whenever it happened, was not something to be ashamed of or something to be feared.  And his father reminded him that simply because his body was changing, it did not have to mean anything.  One could simply flower alone if they wanted to, or take a partner simply to enjoy the rare fire set in their blood, or bed down with a mate in the pursuit of creating life.  This change was not meant to be a sentence he was <em>destined</em> for - a mated life with calves - simply a sign that his body was ready to try if he <em> wanted </em> that.  And if he did not, there were plenty of ways to still celebrate his body’s spectacular change in ways that made him feel comfortable, happy, and safe.</p><p>But it never happened.  Not once while his family was close to him, and not once in the ten years they were away.</p><p>So Caduceus could be forgiven for forgetting that it was something to expect every year in the spring, despite all the teachings his parents imparted on him.  And he could be forgiven for forgetting some of the early signs of it’s approach - the shortness of breath, the ravenous hunger, the difficulty sleeping.  And the focus of his mind on closeness and warmth - the desire to hold and be held by someone he trusted.</p><p>It had been so long, he forgot that it even meant anything at all.</p><p>It was springtime in Zadash, and Caduceus was enjoying all the beautiful flowers that were springing up in garden boxes under window sills throughout the city as the Mighty Nein walked to the Pentamarket to do some shopping.  The walk was brisk, a pace he normally had no trouble keeping up with, but his stomach was growling and he hadn’t slept well the night before.  It made it hard to keep up, so the distraction of the flowers was welcome.  </p><p>Jester had written up a very long list of things they needed: spell components and potions and new armor and supplies, much of which could be bought at <em> The Invulnerable Vagrant</em>.</p><p>“-and a <em> diamond</em>, and some leather oil, and some <em> snacks </em> for Sprinkle,” she rattled off, checking her list for the fifteenth time.  Fjord sneezed.  “Oh!  And we should see if Pumat has any allergy potions, for Fjord.”</p><p>At that, Frumpkin trilled from Caleb’s shoulder.</p><p>“Is it <em> only </em> cats that you are allergic to, Fjord?” Yasha asked, putting a hand on Fjord’s shoulder.</p><p>“Well it’s apparently cats <em> and </em> fey creatures taking the <em> form </em> of cats,” Fjord grumbled, giving Caleb a smile to assure him that he meant no ill offense.  “I only know cats for sure because we used to have them on the ship, for mousing.”</p><p>“Well it <em>is</em> spring,” Beau mused, “Allergies always seem to get worse in the spring.”</p><p>“They also get worse when you sleep in a home <em> entirely </em> staffed by magical cats,” Fjord pointed out.</p><p>“I may know some herbal teas that can help with the sneezing,” Caduceus said.</p><p>“Thanks ‘Duces, I may have to take you up on that,” he answered and Fjord <em> smiled </em> at him too.  Caduceus’ heart <em> fluttered </em> at the sight, which… he admitted, it had been doing more and more the longer he had been with the Nein.  He didn't know if this was something caused by his years of isolation, or if it was something special about these people, but his heart swelled with love for them all, in so many ways.  Brave and loving and beautiful in their own ways...  And Caduceus was not blind, he knew Fjord was <em> very </em> handsome, his smile especially made Caduceus feel warm inside.  But the past few days that warmth had grown even deeper, and Caduceus found himself wondering if there was something to this feeling.  If there was something… special about the way Fjord in particular smiled at him.</p><p>It certainly made him feel ways he had never felt before.</p><p>As they got closer to the <em>Vagrant</em>, they were surprised to see that the shop was relatively empty, cleared out of most goods except for bare bones essentials.  Only one Pumat could be seen at the counter, and he seemed pretty focused on finishing early so he could lock up.</p><p>“Pumat?” Beau asked.  “Everything okay man?  This place looks like it got robbed.”</p><p>“Oh hey there friends!” Pumat replied, waving heartily at the Nein as they entered his shop.  “Nah, everything is fine, I’m just closing up the shop a little early.”</p><p>“Where’s Prime?” Caduceus asked, always able to tell when it was a Simulacra he was speaking to.  He glanced to the back work room, which was dark. “I know he doesn’t typically run the shop, but he’s usually in the back at least.”</p><p>“He’s upstairs with Three and Four,” Pumat Two replied, “Getting ready for some time off.  Just needs a little rest and relaxation, ya know?”</p><p>“Oh <em> no </em> is Pumat okay?” Jester asked worriedly, leaning on the counter with concern, but the Simulacra merely laughed.</p><p>“Oh no, he’s fine he’s got the… the <em> spring fever </em> you know?” he answered as if that made perfect sense.  “Makes it a little hard to focus on enchanting, so he’ll be taking a couple days off.”</p><p>“Spring Fever?” Veth asked, eyeing Pumat carefully.  “What is that, allergies?”</p><p>“<em>Respectfully </em> I think it’s something Mister Clay is pretty familiar with,” Pumat answered with a gesture at Caduceus.  “I mean he’s about to start too, so he’s probably told you all about-”</p><p>Everyone’s faces turned to Caduceus, a mix of confusion and fear.</p><p>“Caduceus are you getting sick?” Jester cried, running over to him and reaching a hand up to try and touch his forehead.  The lanky firbolg bent over to accommodate.  “Oh gosh, you’re <em> pretty </em> warm…”</p><p>“I feel fine Jester,” Caduceus assured her, though a particularly loud growl in his stomach disagreed.</p><p>“It’s not really a <em> sickness </em> anyway,” Pumat agreed, “Just sort of a seasonal Firbolg thing.  But surely you all have already made plans for it, what with Caduceus about to be in the thick of it.”</p><p>“Thick of what?” Fjord asked, looking at Caduceus with concern.</p><p>“Oh I… Sorry Caduceus, that was rude of me.  I thought you had told everyone,” Pumat admitted shyly.  “I know they don’t have as good a nose as us, but I could smell you as soon as you walked in and I assumed everyone knew already.”</p><p>“Caduceus <em> smells?” </em> Veth shrieked, running over to sniff the Firbolg.  “I don’t smell-”</p><p>“Now that you mention it there is sort of an… earthy smell?” Fjord replied, his brow furrowed as he tried to pick out the scent.  “Is that <em> you</em>, Caduceus?”</p><p>“I suppose it is, I-” Caduceus paused, putting a hand to his chin as he thought.  “Oh.  Oh, it’s happening then.”</p><p>“<em>What’s </em> happening?” Veth and Jester both cried.</p><p>“I suppose I’m going to bloom this year,” Caduceus said simply, and Pumat Two beamed at him while his friends continued to look confused.  “I didn’t expect that.”</p><p>“Been awhile for you, has it?” Pumat said with a chuckle.  “I know, sometimes I go a few years without it and I forget to prep.”</p><p>“No I’ve… it’s never happened before,” Caduceus admitted.</p><p>“Well <em> congratulations </em> friend!” Pumat replied, “What an absolutely special occasion for you!  I hope you plan on taking some time off, the first one is always a little more intense.”</p><p>“What is <em> happening</em>?” Beau cried in a panic.  “What is a bloom?  Is Caduceus a <em> flower?” </em></p><p>“It’s firbolg mating season,” Caleb said simply, and everyone besides the firbolgs began to blush.</p><p>“I-is that so?” Fjord said with a cough, his green skin ruddy with hot blush.</p><p>“Caduceus are you <em> in heat? </em> ” Jester shrieked, pulling her hand away as her face lit up with wonder.  “Are you like an <em> Omega</em>?  Like in that one book, <em> The Alpha’s Prince</em>?”</p><p>Caduceus recalled a particularly fanciful book Jester had found that detailed a strange mating hierarchy in humans that he was fairly certain did not exist.  She had read some of it out loud to the group before Fjord determined he’d had enough of it and threw it into a lake.</p><p>“I do believe heats are more of a…” he paused, looking for the words. “<em>Menschen mit einer Gebärmutter </em> ... thing,” Caleb said, and now it was his turn to blush, though only he understood what he had said.  “Also those books are <em> fiction</em>, you know, not everything works like it does in your romance novels.”</p><p>“<em>Some </em> things do!” Jester defended.  “And heats are <em> totally </em> a thing, my mama taught me how to deal with them cause her clients sometimes get them when-”</p><p>“I am not denying they are a <em> thing</em>,” Caleb stammered at the same time over her, turning bright red, “I am simply saying it is <em> not </em> what Caduceus is-”</p><p>Their argument continued, dragging everyone else in, but Caduceus paid them no mind.</p><p>“Oh geeze,” Pumat said with a laugh, “Sorry, I made this rather awkward, didn’t I?”</p><p>“It’s alright,” Caduceus said with a smile, “I’m glad you reminded me, I would have been caught off guard.”</p><p>“You’ve <em> really </em> never gone through it before?” Pumat asked.  “Kinda a late bloomer, huh?”</p><p>“A bit,” Caduceus admitted.  “I just… never was around other people before.  People who weren’t my family.”</p><p>“Well let me tell you,” Pumat replied, “If you’re looking for a good place to relax, <em> The Pillow Trove </em> has some <em> pretty </em> nice rooms specifically for those races that have cycles like us.  Tabaxi, Orcs, and the like.  They’re a little pricey, but you get a nice bed and room service and a private bathroom, and it’s not a bad way to spend a few days.  Just let the lady at the desk know you’re looking for a ‘view of the moons’.  They’re very <em> discrete </em> about it, but they offer a lovely service.”</p><p>“That does sound nice,” Caduceus said.  “But we’ve got new leads to follow, and we’ll be heading out soon, I will probably just deal with it on the road.”</p><p>“Respectfully, I think it’s wise to take it easy,” Pumat insisted.  “It can be rather taxing.  But you’ve got a lot of work to do, I suppose.  Just make sure you take some time for yourself to relax in the next couple days.”</p><p>“I will, thank you,” replied Caduceus.</p><p>Once Jester and Caleb were finished discussing the finer points of romance novels and anatomy, the group bought what supplies they could from Pumat’s shop before he closed up, and then split up to finish their shopping at other places in the Pentamarket.  As the sun started to drift into late afternoon, they headed back towards <em> The Evening Nip</em>, where Jester had convinced her father to let them stay for the night.</p><p>As they walked, Caduceus could tell that everyone had questions for him, but they all felt too shy to ask them.  This, he remembered, was a thing many races found <em> shameful</em>. Sexual maturity was something that happened to everyone, but it was only discussed in private with most races, kept secret from others.  He had never understood that, but he had found that he didn’t understand the way that most races in The Empire handled their emotional health.</p><p>“It’s very normal,” Caduceus insisted, “I just wasn’t expecting it.  But once it starts it will pass in a few days.”</p><p>“So it hasn’t started… yet?” Beau asked, looking Caduceus up and down.</p><p>“Well, if I’m musking already I must be getting close,” Caduceus admitted, and took note of the amusing way Veth’s face twisted up in a question at the word <em> musking</em>, “but no, I think I have another day or two if what my mother told me is any indication.  It’s nothing you all need to be concerned about.”</p><p>“We wouldn’t want to make things hard for you Caduceus.  Should we postpone our departure?” Caleb asked.  “Will it be difficult to travel in your… <em> condition?</em>”  He was so delicate in how he said it, it was very kind even if it was tangled up in that weird uncomfortable shame humans so often had.</p><p>“I honestly don’t know, it’s my first bloom,” replied Caduceus with a shrug.</p><p>A look of panic entered Fjord’s eyes “Wait, your <em> first- </em>” Fjord cut himself off before finishing, seeming to bite his own lip.</p><p>“But I thought you were an <em> adult, </em> Caduceus?” Jester asked.  “You should have started puberty by <em> now</em>?”</p><p>“I am, but firbolg blooms are more dependent on their <em> environment </em> than anything else,” Caduceus explained, “And conditions were never right for mine to begin.  I guess they are now.”</p><p>“What has changed?” Yasha asked.</p><p>“I must have spent time with a compatible mate recently,” Caduceus replied with a shrug.</p><p>“Ooooh, Caduceus has a <em> crush </em> on someone?” Jester squealed, and Caduceus laughed.</p><p>“No no,” he chuckled.  “Attraction <em>can</em> be a part of a blooming, but it’s simply a body’s way of preparing for a potential future.  I've never really felt that, I simply was near someone fertile that my body deemed compatible, and it did the rest from there.”</p><p>“Compatible?” Beau asked, face red.</p><p>“Has a mix of traits I find appealing, with a similar reproductive cycle,” Caduceus said simply.  “Not necessarily a female, but someone whose body is ready to mate at the same time as mine is.”</p><p>“Well we certainly have a lot of <em> fertile </em> young people in our group,” Veth teased.  “No wonder your hormones are loopy, you’re lucky you weren’t around Mollymauk, he was <em> always </em> ready to bone down.”</p><p>“So if you’re compatible with one of us, your body just switches into baby making mode?” Beau gasped.  “That fucking <em> sucks</em>!”</p><p>“It’s only in the spring for a few days,” Caduceus soothed, “And it could have been anyone we spent a lot of time with, not necessarily one of you.”</p><p>“I bet it was Pumat,” Beau replied smugly, and Veth and Caleb nodded sagely at that suggestion.</p><p>“I wonder if <em> I’m </em> compatible with Caduceus,” Jester mused, which made Caduceus laugh.</p><p>“You are <em> very </em> lovely Jester,” Caduceus mused.  “Perhaps the little sapphire <em> has </em> bewitched me into blooming this spring.”</p><p>That made Jester smile brightly, but Caduceus knew it wasn’t her, and he suspected she knew as well.  He had never expressed that kind of interest in <em>anyone,</em> but he was reasonably certain any attraction he may have was not for women.  Caduceus was reserved, but he had eyes, and Jester wasn’t <em> exactly </em> his type.</p><p>Fjord had been strangely silent for most of the walk.</p><p><em> The Evening Nip </em> was quiet as it was not quite late enough for the evening crowd, and after a brief hello to The Gentleman, everyone headed to the room they had been lent where Caleb would be able open the portal to his magical tower they now frequently stayed in.  As they headed in, Fjord caught Caduceus' arm.</p><p>“Duces can I… speak with you, alone?” he said softly.</p><p>“Of course,” Caduceus replied, letting the others go on ahead.  “What is it Fjord?”</p><p>There were no patrons to bother them so it was easy to find a place in the bar that they could talk.  Fjord pulled Caduceus into a quiet corner of the tavern, where a booth with a pulled curtain and a low table was waiting.  Fjord offered Caduceus a seat, and he happily took it.</p><p>“Are you…” Fjord seemed to be struggling with the words, his face still ruddy with blush.  “Is this really your first…  I mean you’ve never had to… deal with something like this before?”</p><p>“I mean I’ve never experienced it <em> myself</em>,” Caduceus admitted, “but my parents prepared me for what to expect, and I’ve seen my siblings go through it many times.”</p><p>“You’re not… nervous?” Fjord asked, his claw tracing circles on the wooden table.</p><p>“Should I be?”</p><p>Fjord glanced around to ensure they weren’t being listened to before continuing.</p><p>“Listen… I have… a bit of experience with stuff like <em> this</em>,” he admitted, glancing at the table.  His emphasis on <em> this </em> was vague, but Caduceus figured out what he meant from his unwillingness to name it.  “Half orcs can still get them, even if they’re a little milder than our full blooded cousins.”</p><p>“Oh, I see,” Caduceus replied.</p><p>“I just…” he looked positively mortified to be saying anything, but Caduceus took in every word carefully.  “I just remember how scared I was the first time it happened to me and… I’d hate to think you’re going to be suffering... like I was.”</p><p>“Fjord that’s very kind of you,” said Caduceus softly.  “I’m sorry to hear you’ve had such a terrible experience with your body.  But I don’t believe I will be suffering, a firbolg’s bloom is a joyful time.”</p><p>“Maybe but… It’s… difficult, when you’re by yourself,” Fjord sighed.  “A lot easier to bear when someone is there to help <em> take care </em> of you.”</p><p>Caduceus took pause at that.  </p><p>He and Fjord had grown close since his coming to the Wildmother but <em> this </em> seemed like a step further than he had been expecting.  He had to admit he had <em> feelings </em> for Fjord, but those feelings were <em>complex</em> and new, and right now he was beginning to wonder how much of that was his oncoming bloom coloring his emotions.  But this… Fjord’s shyness made it difficult to parse what he meant, and in matters like this, his mother’s words were very clear: <em> always be honest </em>.</p><p>“Forgive me for being blunt, but are you saying you would-”</p><p>“Just!  Someone to be there to help you clean up and make sure you’re hydrated!” Fjord interrupted, his voice going high.  “I know you're not into... It doesn’t have to be anything else!  Really!”</p><p>“Fjord, does this make you uncomfortable?”</p><p>“Oh gods,” Fjord’s voice cracked as he blushed even more.</p><p>“Because I don’t mind being alone with this, and you-”</p><p>“Caduceus listen.”  He reached out a hand to take Caduceus’.  “Y-you are such a good friend a-and you’ve been so supportive of me through some difficult changes, and I just…  I want to support you.”</p><p>“Thank you Fjord,” Caduceus said plainly.  “But I’m still not sure what you are offering.”</p><p>“I’m offering to keep an eye on you,” Fjord answered, his voice low.  “My first time in heat was <em> awful</em>, and the folks at the orphanage didn’t know how to help beyond keeping me locked in my room.”</p><p>Caduceus felt a pang of guilt in his stomach.  “That’s terrible.”</p><p>“My point is, if you need someone to sit by you and make sure you’re comfortable, I want it to be me,” Fjord continued.  “And if that… I know you’re… <em> inexperienced… </em> so if that means something more <em> intimate</em>, I could do that for you.  If you want me to.”</p><p>At those words, Caduceus felt his heart fluttering in his chest.  Something… more <em> intimate</em>?  That could only mean one thing, but...</p><p>“If that’s what <em> you </em> want, Fjord,” Caduceus whispered.  “I think I would be very grateful for your help.”</p><p>“This was… not how I expected this conversation to go,” Fjord admitted with a nervous laugh, and Caduceus laughed as well.  “Listen, we tell the others we need a few days.  We can get a room in town and just stay in, away from the group.  I’ll make sure your first rut is a <em> pleasant </em> experience, in whatever way that needs to happen.”</p><p>“Pumat said that <em> The Pillow Trove </em> has special rooms for people in my situation,” Caduceus said.  “Though he said they were rather pricey.”</p><p>“Don’t even worry about it,” Fjord insisted, “I’ll pay for the whole thing.  We’ll check in first thing tomorrow and stay until it passes.”</p><p>“This is very generous of you Fjord,” Caduceus said softly.  “Are you sure this is alright?”</p><p>“It’s more than alright,” Fjord answered, squeezing at Caduceus’ hand he was still holding.  “You’re my <em> friend</em>, and this is something that the others… won’t understand.  It’s different for them, they don’t have to experience how… <em> vulnerable </em> and alone it makes you feel, to be at the <em> mercy </em> of your body like that.  Like you’re… not in control anymore.”</p><p>“Do you feel like you’re being <em> trapped </em> by your body?” Caduceus asked, and Fjord nodded in response.  “I had not considered that these changes in a body might be something one could fear if they didn’t know what to expect.”</p><p>“You called it a <em> bloom </em> but...  It sounds like a <em> nice </em> thing for firbolgs but it is <em> not </em> a nice thing for orcs,” admitted Fjord quietly.  “It can be pleasurable, in the right circumstances, but… It can be painful and humiliating and so very <em> lonely </em>in others.  And I would rest easier knowing yours was the pleasant kind rather than… anything else.”</p><p>“I understand,” Caduceus soothed.  “And I accept your offer.  But please know you are allowed to leave at any time, I don’t want you to feel like you’re being trapped by <em> me</em>.”</p><p>“Oh I <em> plan </em> on leaving,” Fjord chuckled, and the tension of the moment eased.  “You’re going to want someone to be able to head down to the kitchens and get food.  If your blooms are anything like my heats, you’re gonna feel like you’re getting your sea legs all over again, and you do <em> not </em> want to walk down stairs with that, it’s a <em> nightmare</em>.”</p><p>They shared a few more quiet words before joining everyone at the wardrobe Caleb had transformed into his tower, and headed off to their rooms to prepare for bed.</p><p>Sleep did not come easy to Caduceus, but he knew why now.  The restlessness was just another aspect of the bloom that he had been ignoring.  Tomorrow he and Fjord would leave for <em> The Pillow Trove </em> , and he would finally experience this special rite of passage.  He was excited <em> and </em> nervous, but he was ready to face it.</p><p>Sleep did not come easy to Fjord either, though unlike Caduceus, he did <em> not </em> know why.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Some things to note:</p><p>Fjord is very careful in his word choice between "rut" and "heat" and that is intentional - he has learned that rut = penis, heat = uterus.  He is trans, the Nein know, and while he's more sexually experienced than Caduceus, he's still a little tangled up in a general confusion about his body just from not having good support growing up.  In contrast a firbolg "bloom" is gender neutral - all firbolgs bloom.</p><p>Chapter one is obviously not very sexy but upcoming chapters will be.  This will be a very sweet fic about loving your partner's body and finding ways to love your own.  I wasn't going to post this as it's own chapter, but it was getting long, and my brain was reaching the threshold of "words written to feedback desired" ratio that compels me to seek validation.  Comments and kudos help with this, please feel free to share them if you like this!</p><p>Also if you have favorite mating heat tropes you'd like to see these two get up to let me hear them because i have ideas but i can always use more!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Fjord and Caduceus head to The Pillow Trove, and discuss some of the details about their newly established relationship.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Edited on Nov 22nd to maintain aroace cad!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>In the morning, Caduceus was not surprised to find his brow damp with cold beads of sweat.  He was not surprised to find his hands shaking as he served up breakfast with his friends.  And he was not surprised to find his thoughts often turning to the idea of being safe and warm and comfortable, perhaps in a fancy bed at <em> The Pillow Trove </em> with Fjord sitting nearby, taking care of him.</p><p>Oh Melora, that was happening, wasn’t it?</p><p>The Mighty Nein were no strangers to each other’s bodies.  It was impossible to spend so much time together and not see each other naked when they changed clothing on the road, or relaxed together at the bathhouse, or needed to dress a wound.  He had seen all of them in their most natural state, and they had seen him, although the others were more likely to blush and look away when stumbling in on a naked friend.</p><p>But this… this was a different kind of intimacy.</p><p>When Colton or Calliope had gone through a blooming, his parents had always been on hand to ensure their children were safe and comfortable, but it had primarily been a solo activity.  The blooming child would stay in the guest bedroom, away from everyone else so they could have a bit of privacy in these moments, with mother or father coming in to bring food and water at regular intervals, to change the bedsheets, to ensure the child was comfortable.  Staying in bed, alone, the room heavy with the smell of their musk - Caduceus was not a fool.  He knew what Colton or Calliope would do when left alone, same as he knew what their parents did when they bloomed together.</p><p>Sexual release was a balm on the tightening coils in their bellies.</p><p>In truth, sex had not really been something Caduceus had put much thought into.  He had tried some things, tried stimulating himself when he was alone, but he had always been just that - alone.  And though some times, with some effort, he was able to find pleasure in it, it was something he rarely thought about.  Masturbation was something he did as a last resort to boredom and frustration.  He couldn’t imagine a context where he would do it for fun.  He supposed some day, maybe after his bloom, he would understand.  When his body blossomed, he would understand.</p><p>And now, as his fingers trembled serving up eggs and toast to the Nein, his thoughts were focused on Fjord.  Fjord, who offered to take care of him.  Fjord, who promised to watch out for him.  Fjord, who said he would help with Caduceus’ <em> inexperience</em>, if he wanted it.</p><p>Maybe this was the context his body had longed for.</p><p>Someone who cared for him, and he cared about too.</p><p>“Everyone, uh, Caduceus and I discussed it last night,” Fjord said at the breakfast table, “And we agreed it’s better for all of us that we take a few days off so Caduceus can… bloom.”</p><p>“Oh of course,” Caleb replied.  “We can delay our departure for a few more days.”</p><p>“Are you just gonna hang out in your room for three days and jerk off?” Jester said bluntly through a mouthful of bread, and Fjord choked on the small bit of eggs he had been chewing.</p><p>“I do not think that’s a good idea,” Caleb replied, “I… do not think I could keep the tower going that long.”</p><p>“Actually,” Caduceus answered, “Pumat told me about a service they offer at <em> The Pillow Trove </em> for people like me.  A room with a bed and full meal service, and a washroom.  So I can just stay in one place without worry.”</p><p>“Oh, that makes sense,” Jester continued, “Mama has done things like that for clients before.”  </p><p>“But are you okay with being alone for a few days?” Yasha asked.</p><p>“Oh, I won’t be alone,” Caduceus answered with a smile.  “Fjord has kindly offered to accompany me.”</p><p>“In a <em>very</em> <em>platonic</em> context!” Fjord cried as everyone’s eyes turned to him.  “Caduceus is going to be very tired and weak!  He’ll need someone on hand to make sure he is eating and drinking!”</p><p>Caduceus appreciated that everyone was so protective of him, that they knew him well enough to know this ask was out of line with how Caduceus usually behaved.</p><p>“It’s true,” Caduceus assured everyone, and that made the judging eyes ease off Fjord.  “Normally when a firbolg blooms for the first time, they are still with their family, so the parents can keep an eye on their child.  Or if not family, a mate or a close friend could do the same.  Fjord is going to do that for me.”</p><p>“Are you going to be okay just… sitting around watching Caduceus jack it?” Veth asked, looking at Fjord with devious eyes.</p><p>Fjord cleared his throat.  “I’m perfectly capable of finding other things to do if Caduceus needs… <em> private </em> time,” he answered.</p><p>Veth grinned at him, but did not say anything.</p><p>“Fjord can come and go as he pleases,” Caduceus assured everyone.  “I simply want him there in case it becomes overwhelming and I need assistance.”</p><p>He was greatly amused at the not-so-subtle hand motion Beau made at Jester, who giggled.</p><p>Fjord blushed.</p><p>Still, there was no more discussion of it.  The Nein were nosy, but they were understanding.  And if Caduceus said this was what he needed, they believed him.  After all, he <em>was</em> the authority on firbolg anatomy.  They knew he wouldn't ask for something that would make him uncomfortable.</p><p>After breakfast, Caduceus packed up his travel bag and waited at the bottom of the tower for Fjord, who joined him shortly afterwards.  Caduceus noted that Fjord had his pack <em> and </em> his bedroll.</p><p>“In case I need to sleep on the floor,” Fjord said when he caught Caduceus’ eyes on it.  “You’re going to want the bed.”</p><p>It hadn’t even occurred to Caduceus what the sleeping arrangements would be like.  Thinking about it, he imagined a room like this <em>would</em> only have one bed, as there would be only one reason to stay there.  He had simply imagined he and Fjord would <em> share </em> the bed, as they often did when sharing a room on the road, but now that he was thinking about it it made sense Fjord would want to give his friend space.</p><p>“This is very kind of you,” Caduceus reaffirmed.  “I’m thankful to have you with me.”</p><p>“Ah, well, don’t thank me yet,” Fjord said, and though he was blushing his smile seemed genuine.</p><p>After saying their goodbyes to their friends, Caduceus and Fjord began the walk to <em> The Pillow Trove</em>.  It was a fair distance from <em> The Evening Nip</em>, but Caduceus was grateful to be out in the cool morning air - his fur was moist with sweat, and the breeze felt nice.</p><p>“Do you… want to set up some rules?” Fjord asked quietly as they walked.</p><p>“Pardon?”</p><p>“S-sometimes, when I’m in heat,” Fjord continued, his voice wavering.  “I don’t… think straight.  If it’s real bad I don’t think much at all.  Hard to… hard to make decisions about… important things.”</p><p>“What kind of rules do you suggest?” Caduceus asked.</p><p>“Just, guidelines for what our interactions should be, when you’re too out of it to tell me,” Fjord answered, his eyes locked forward on the road as we walked.  “When do you… want help, and when do you want me to stand back.”</p><p>“Oh,” Caduceus said.  “I hadn’t considered that.  Well…” he thought about it for a bit before speaking.  “I would want to ensure I eat at least once a day, and that I continue to drink water whenever I am able.  And I would like to bathe at least once a day, I fear I’m going to become rather sweaty.”</p><p>“Yeah that tracks,” Fjord answered, glancing up quickly at the mussed fur on Caduceus’ forehead.  “So I’ll make sure you eat and have a bath every day, and that you’re drinking water.  What else?”</p><p>“I admit I don’t… I don’t know that much about how my body will behave,” Caduceus said quietly.</p><p>"Any thoughts on... my <em>proposition</em>?" Fjord asked.  Ah, yes.  The <em>intimate</em> help.</p><p>"In truth, I am not sure," Caduceus admitted.  "I have never really felt the need for these types of interactions."</p><p>“May I offer some suggestions?” Fjord replied.  Caduceus nodded.  “Sometimes things like this make you ask for things you’d never dream of in your waking hours.  Is there anything I shouldn’t let you do?”</p><p>“Oh, I…” another pause as he thought about it.  “I suppose, don’t let me breed anyone.  I have components for a spell to prevent that, but… If it comes to that, please make sure I cast it.”</p><p>“I can do that.  Anything else?”</p><p>Caduceus shook his head. "No, I think that is fine for now."</p><p>"Are you okay with..." he trailed off, in the usual fashion Fjord did when breaching these topics.</p><p>"Maybe.  I won't really know until it happens, but I know I can trust you to honor my requests," Caduceus said plainly.  “What rules should I honor for you?”</p><p>Fjord looked stunned at being asked.  “I don’t… Ducey this isn’t about me.”</p><p>“Of course it is,” Caduceus replied.  “You’re offering to be in a very intimate situation with me, I don’t want to put you in a situation that makes you uncomfortable.”</p><p>“Oh…” Fjord thought about it too.  “I guess… J-just don’t… call me names or… m-make fun of my body.”</p><p>It pained Caduceus to hear that someone would ever think to do such a thing to Fjord.</p><p>“I would never dream of it,” Caduceus replied, and Fjord looked relieved.  “Are you really okay with this arrangement?”</p><p>“Y-yeah I… It doesn’t have to mean anything, I just want to help you out,” Fjord stammered.  “Things like this go quicker when… when you’ve got a partner.”</p><p>“If you tell me no, I will not be hurt,” Caduceus answered.</p><p>Fjord looked down at his feet as they walked before speaking, his smile soft.  “I don’t know if I could… <em>ever</em> say no to you, Caduceus.”</p><p>“You always can,” Caduceus replied softly.  “Are there any other rules we should establish?”</p><p>“Are we - is this…” Fjord struggled to find good words for it.  “This will be your… first time?”</p><p>“Yes, we established this,” Caduceus answered.</p><p>“N-no I mean, if you and I…” he looked up at Caduceus, and then quickly looked away. “This will be your first… <em> time</em>.  Is it okay that it’s… with me?”</p><p>“Oh,” Caduceus said, looking down at Fjord.  “Fjord there is no one I would trust more with this.”</p><p>“R-really?”</p><p>“I believe you want me safe, comfortable, and happy,” Caduceus continued, “And I believe you will do what you deem is necessary for that, as you would do for me at all times in our friendship.  This time may require something more intimate, but that doesn’t mean I do not trust you.  I know you would never do anything to hurt me.”</p><p>Fjord chuckled.  “Gods, wish I could say the same for some of my previous partners.”</p><p>“I may not have much experience with things like this,” Caduceus assured him, “but I do have experience in knowing who to trust.  And I trust <em> you</em>.”</p><p>“Thank you,” Fjord said.  “It means a lot to me, having your trust.”</p><p>“And I trust that you will know what is best for me in this situation,” Caduceus said with a soft sigh.  “I am in uncharted waters, and I appreciate having someone close by who knows how to swim.”</p><p>“Oh I <em> definitely </em> know how to swim,” Fjord laughed, and Caduceus smiled at the sound.</p><p>“How about this,” Caduceus said, “We can establish a system to check on each other, to ensure we are both comfortable.  Simple phrases that are easy to remember to signal if things should stop or continue, like in some of Jester’s books?”</p><p>“We can do that,” replied Fjord.  “How about… red for no, or stop?”</p><p>“A dangerous color in nature <em> would </em> spark caution,” Caduceus mused.  “That sounds like a good choice.”</p><p>“Alright then, what about yes, good?”</p><p>Caduceus looked down at Fjord’s handsome face and knew exactly what to say.</p><p>“Green.  Like… the Wildmother.  Green for <em> life</em>.”</p><p>“Green it is,” Fjord replied, not catching the way Caduceus’ eyes were hanging on him.</p><p>“So to test it, Fjord, I’d like to have tea once we finish getting settled in the room,” Caduceus mused.  “Would you be okay having tea with me?”</p><p>“Yes,” Fjord answered quickly “Green, absolutely.”</p><p>“And what if I asked you to read to me from Jester’s book about human mating cycles… what was it called… <em> The Alpha’s Prince </em> I believe?”</p><p>“Oh that’s a red,” Fjord chuckled.  “I threw that in the lake for a reason.”</p><p>“Thank you,” Caduceus said.  “Please feel free to use these words for all our interactions over the next few days.  If you ever feel uncomfortable, you are allowed to say so.”</p><p>“You as well, Caduceus,” Fjord replied.</p><p>Entering the Tri-Spire was not difficult for the two of them, since both of them were capable of disguising their appearance to look more the part of “rich travelers” than “poor adventurers”.  And <em> The Pillow Trove </em> was easy enough to find, with it’s beautiful marble exterior and brilliant gold and purple flags and banners draped on the outside.</p><p>The elven woman at the front desk gave the half-orc and firbolg a critical, assessing look, but when Caduceus mentioned a room with a “view of the moons,” she seemed to understand immediately.</p><p>“The fare is 50 gold for each night, with a ten gold deposit for the room that you can get back at the end of your stay,” she explained.</p><p>“Pumat wasn’t kidding about it being expensive,” Fjord muttered, but handed over the coin for three nights without further complaint.  “What are the conditions for getting the deposit back?”</p><p>“That the room is left the way you found it,” she said flatly.  “Some patrons get rather… <em> rowdy </em> in that suite, so the deposit covers any repairs.”  She very pointedly looked at Fjord, who flushed.</p><p>“Is there anything else we should know?” Caduceus asked.</p><p>“If you find yourself… <em> unable </em> to leave your room, there is a sending stone on the dresser for contacting the front desk,” the receptionist answered.  “We can coordinate any room service you need through that.”</p><p>“Thank you very much,” Caduceus answered, “I hope we won’t be too much trouble.”</p><p>He was reasonably certain the look she gave as she passed over the key meant that she hoped so too.</p><p>They headed up the stairs to the Moon View Suite, Fjord fidgeting with the delicate silver key as they climbed.  Caduceus put a hand on Fjord’s shoulder as they reached the landing on the third floor.</p><p>“There is nothing to be embarrassed about,” Caduceus assured him.  “Her attitude comes from her own discomfort, but there is nothing happening here that is shameful or wrong.”</p><p>“I know,” Fjord sighed.  “Here, I believe this is our room.”</p><p>The door was smooth white wood, with an inlaid silver crescent moon.  All the doors on this floor seemed to have different symbols on them, and Caduceus assumed this was how they differentiated the rooms while remaining discreet for clientele.  Fjord put his bag down and unlocked the door, holding it open for Caduceus, who had to duck slightly to make it through the frame.</p><p>It was possibly the nicest rented room that Caduceus had ever stayed in, and it reminded him in many ways of rooms he had seen in <em> The Lavish Chateau</em>.  The suite had three rooms, each separated by silk curtains rather than doors.  Coming into the space was what looked like a lounge, with comfortable chairs, a fireplace, and a cozy looking rug.  It was comfortable, warm, and roomy enough that Caduceus was certain he had stayed in <em> inns </em> smaller than it.</p><p>Beyond the curtains was a bedroom, slightly smaller than the room before it, which had a large windowed door, and balcony that looked out over a garden.  The bed was <em> gigantic</em>, Caduceus had never seen so much silk and pillows in one place.  He would <em> actually </em> fit in it, and have room to spare.  The bed had four posts, framed with curtains that could be pulled for additional privacy.  There was also a dresser, and a large mirror in this room, as well as a chest containing things like extra blankets, a bed warmer, and fresh linens.  </p><p>On the far end of the bedroom, another door led to a bathing area, with stone tile floors, a large stone bathtub, a washbasin, and a chamber-pot.  There was a shelf with what looked like some of the softest towels Caduceus had ever seen, as well as dozens of bottles of what looked like potions and soaps.  An ornately carved wooden changing screen was also in the room, as well as some thick bristled brushes that he imagined were meant for heavy fur coats and manes.</p><p>From the first room, Fjord let out a long whistle.</p><p>“This is nice,” Caduceus said with a smile as he came back to the entrance.  “We won’t have to be in the same room all the time, you can relax out here in this lounge.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Fjord laughed.  “I could even set up my bedroll out here to give you a little more privacy.”  He gestured around at the room’s size, impressed by how much space there was.  “But man, this place is really <em> something </em>, huh?  They really go all out for folks here.”</p><p>“I imagine that there are members of high society who go through mating cycles,” Caduceus mused.  “Pumat said tabaxi go through it as well.”</p><p>“It’s orcs, tabaxi, firbolgs, and hobgoblins,” Fjord rattled off.  “Dragonborn, kobolds, and lizardfolk have a similar thing but it’s not <em>quite</em> the same, and kenku brood.”</p><p>Caduceus set down his bag and started to get out his tea kettle.  “You seem very well informed.”</p><p>“Well when you’re a <em> half-breed </em> orphan and your body starts doing weird things, you start trying to research what your parents might have been, to figure out what is wrong” Fjord sighed.  “Once I figured out I wasn’t <em> dying</em>, I had to figure out what exactly it all meant for me.  No one at the orphanage was going to teach me.”</p><p>“That seems like a lot of pressure to put on a child,” Caduceus mused.</p><p>“Well you know Orcs, they… uh, they grow up <em> quickly</em>,” Fjord coughed.  “Don’t really get treated like a child when you’re the biggest kid in the place.”</p><p>“I guess it’s fortunate that Firbolgs have a fairly regular bloom, once a year,” said Caduceus as he conjured some water for tea and put his kettle over the fire.  “Becomes easy to plan for and predict.  I imagine not all species are like that.”</p><p>“Yeah full Orcs are, uh, a lot different,” Fjord replied, but he did not elaborate further, and Caduceus took this to mean that this part of the conversation was over.</p><p>While the water boiled, Caduceus walked around the apartment, looking at the lavish furnishings, the colorful draperies, and the stunning view out of the window.  The garden was three stories down, and seemed to be primarily rose bushes and a small fountain, though there seemed to be a nice bench under a flowering tree as well.  Fjord quietly unpacked his things, setting up an area in the lounge with his bedroll, a throw blanket and a few fluffy pillows he had stolen off the chairs.  When Caduceus joined him again, Fjord had made himself a comfortable place to sleep near the fire.  </p><p>They carefully removed Caduceus’ kettle from the fire, and Caduceus pulled out some of the tea he kept in his bag.</p><p>“I have to admit,” Fjord said as he watched Caduceus spoon the dried flowers into the hot water.  “You’re very calm about all this.”</p><p>“I was lucky to have a family that raised me to understand my body,” Caduceus admitted.  “I thought that was the norm, but my time away from home has shown me otherwise.”</p><p>“Yeah it’s, uh, not exactly a common topic of conversation,” laughed Fjord.  “I know you said it was a… a small house, but I guess I didn’t really think about what that meant in terms of… teaching kids about this stuff.”</p><p>“Kids are very clever,” Caduceus said with a smile, “They will teach themselves if their parents do not.  My parents wanted to ensure we were taught the <em> truth</em>.”</p><p>They drank tea in silence for a bit, and Caduceus took in the subtle smell of the brew alongside the crackling sounds of the fireplace.  He had heard that a bloom heightened the senses, and he was surprised to find how peaceful it made him feel.  It did not feel that different than communing with the Wildmother, and that had always felt like coming home.  It was pleasant.</p><p>Fjord broke the quiet with another cough.  “You must be pretty close to starting.”</p><p>“What makes you say that?”</p><p>He flushed, and then thumbed at his nose.</p><p>“<em>Oh</em>, I didn’t think you could smell my musk,” Caduceus admitted.</p><p>“My nose is a little more... sensitive than some folks,” Fjord answered.</p><p>“I hope I don’t smell terrible.”</p><p>“N-no it’s… I couldn’t really place the smell before,” Fjord said, his flush growing darker.  “But now that I’ve had some time with it, it reminds me of… freshly turned soil.  It’s… nice.”</p><p>“Thank you Fjord,” Caduceus said warmly.  “Though I suppose if my scent <em>is</em> getting stronger then I really must be close.  Perhaps I should draw a bath and relax for a bit.”</p><p>“Y-yeah that’s a good idea,” Fjord agreed, getting to his feet.  “And I’ll head down to the lobby and… bring back something to eat.  They’ve gotta have like… a cheese plate or something, this is a fancy establishment.”</p><p>Caduceus stood, and took Fjord’s hand before he could leave.</p><p>“Would you… mind if I tried something?” he said quietly.</p><p>“What is it Duces?”</p><p>“I… think I would like to kiss you,” Caduceus answered.  “I’ve never done it.  And I’ve heard that it… can feel nice.  When in bloom.”</p><p>Fjord looked at him as though he was both terrified and delighted.  He swallowed down his panic before responding.  “Y-you’ve never <em> kissed </em> before either?”</p><p>“I’ve kissed my mother and my siblings,” Caduceus answered.</p><p>“That is <em> not </em> the same.”  His tone was harsh, but he laughed, and Caduceus laughed as well.  “That’s a lot of pressure to put on a guy, Ducey!” Fjord cried.  “Gods, being your first kiss <em> and </em> your first lay?”</p><p>“Only if you’re comfortable with that,” came the reply.  “So… may I?  Red or Green?”</p><p>“Yes, green, absolutely,” Fjord answered.  “Whatever makes you feel comfortable I-”</p><p>Caduceus pressed his lips to Fjord, and felt something opening up inside him, like a flower unfurling for sunlight in the early hours of the morning.  He felt warm, and giddy.  This was <em> nice</em>.  This was something he had never felt before.  He didn’t know much about romantic kissing beyond what he had heard from Jester’s books, but if it felt like <em> this </em> he understood why they were so eager to do it.  It only lasted for a second, and he pulled back to see that Fjord had closed his eyes, and was blushing harder than ever.</p><p>“How was that?” Caduceus asked.</p><p>Fjord blinked his eyes open, the ruddy color on his face growing darker with every second.</p><p>“D-did it feel… nice?” Fjord stammered.</p><p>“I think so,” Caduceus answered.  “Did it feel nice for you?”</p><p>“Y-yeah I… That was <em> really </em> your first kiss?” Fjord asked.  Caduceus nodded.  “It was good, it was-” he cleared his throat once again.  “Better than <em> my </em> first kiss, if I’m being honest.”</p><p>“I think I could use more practice with it,” mused Caduceus.  “I felt… something.  And I would like to feel it again.”</p><p>“W-well we can try again later,” replied Fjord, “But for now, you should get into the bath and start relaxing.  We’ll talk more about… kissing… after that.”</p><p>With that, Fjord hurried out of the room, leaving Caduceus alone to prep his bath.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>sexytimes start next chapter, i can't get horny without 8000 words of characters getting consent and setting boundaries.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Caduceus' thoughts wander while relaxing in the bath, and his body takes it a step further than he was prepared for.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sexytimes start NOW.</p><p>Note: Caduceus is Demisexual, and has not really had any hands-on experience with sexual attraction, so this is the first time he is experiencing these feelings as a result of arousal and attraction rather than manual stimulation.  ngl I'm projecting real hard onto him as a disaster demisexual myself.</p><p>Updated on Nov 22nd for aroace caduceus!  I'm still operating under the grey/demi ace model, but I'm making sure to acknowledge romantic attraction as being a separate component of this.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Caduceus returned to the bathing room and began to look around more closely at the various items available to him.  He was used to having to create water with magic or bring it up in buckets when wanting to take a bath, but this room had a beautiful blue glass decanter sitting on a shelf that Caduceus quickly identified as one that could pour water indefinitely.  One would simply need to take the stopper out and pour, and all the water he would need would be waiting for him.</p><p>The stone bathtub also had a small depression in the side that the decanter would rest into nicely, and an enchantment etched into the rim of the tub that could heat or cool the water to the temperature he desired.  There was a small drain at the bottom, and Caduceus noted it opened up into a little chamber with what looked like a cut gemstone inside - probably meant to destroy with magic whatever came down the drain.</p><p>There were several bathing potions in tiny glass bottles whose labels were so small he could barely read them, but most appeared to be the type one added to the water to create various smells or sensations.  They came in many colors and viscosities, and Caduceus had to admit he didn’t know what most of them were.  He unstoppered a few to smell them and settled on what seemed like a vial of lavender scented oil before he returned the rest to the shelf and retrieved the blue glass decanter.  Undoing the stopper, he began to pour the water into the basin - far more water seemed to come out of it than could ever fit inside.</p><p>Once he had set the vessel down into its place on the edge of the tub, Caduceus busied himself with removing his clothes.  He was lightly dressed today, knowing that he would not be traveling or fighting - a loose, billowy shirt made of a breathable cotton, a silk sash around his waist, and comfortable harem style pants that hung loose on his frame and gathered around his ankles.  He worked the knot in the sash loose, and once that was free he untucked and shrugged off his shirt.  </p><p>Now that he was touching his body he could clearly feel the way that sweat was clinging to his fur, the feverish heat of the bloom radiating off him.  He loosened the ties of his pants, and as he pulled them open he found that the flared, dusty pink tip of his penis was already starting to poke it’s way out of it’s furry sheath - a sure sign that his body was preparing to bloom.  He carefully avoided touching the sensitive bud as he finished undressing.  He was grateful that he never bothered to wear smallclothes, as they easily would have caused discomfort and overstimulation.</p><p>He folded his clothes and hung them over the wooden changing screen, activated the warming charm on the tub, and drizzled a few drops of the lavender oil into the water before taking a deep breath and stepping into the tub.  The water was the perfect temperature, and with a sigh he lowered himself into the bath.</p><p>The sensation of water surrounding him as he slipped in felt heavenly, a caress on every part of him that felt comforting and safe.  The basin was large enough that he could submerge most of his body without issue, leaving only his head and shoulders above the water.  He leaned back against the edge of the tub, his long pink hair cascading over, and let himself relax, feeling tension drain out of him as he breathed in the calming smell of lavender.</p><p>Bath time was always a stressful day in the Clay household when he was a child.  He would have much rather remained caked in mud, leaves tangled in his hair and berry juice staining his fur, than put his head under water.  He remembered his mother trying to scrub his white fur clean of deep soil and grass stains as he fought with all his might to resist.  He was always so resistant to baths, much to his mother’s dismay.</p><p>But he was much older now, and understood the importance of being clean.  Being one with nature, covered in mud and leaves and berries, was a fine way to be, but there was something to be said of the reverence and honor of cleansing the body as a form of worship.  After all, his body was part of nature as well, and he had promised the Wildmother that he would care for Her creations.</p><p>And he had grown to appreciate water a little more in his travels.  He certainly had been spending much more time in it, with their time on the ocean.  He could see what Fjord was so enamored with - there was beauty and calm in being submerged, floating weightless and carried lovingly by the Mother’s currents.</p><p>Thoughts drifting to Fjord, Caduceus let out a long sigh.</p><p>The kiss had been wonderful, albeit brief.</p><p>His first kiss was not something he had dwelled on or thought about before this, but now that it had happened he felt the gravity of why others put so much weight on it.  It felt sacred in his mind, like a moment crystallized in amber. There was a fluttering spark inside him that lit as soon as his lips touched Fjord’s, and Caduceus loved the way it felt.  Like lightning bugs in his belly, warm and delicate, wings beating furiously.  And the sight of Fjord immediately after, eyes closed and skin flushed, was enough to make his heart skip a beat.</p><p>He had not thought of Fjord in this way before.  In a <em>romantic</em> sense.  He had seen the others, floundering in their romantic tensions that held the Nein on a constant razor edge, and had never wondered how it felt to be a part of that.  He was content, content to be friends, content to be close to these people and have their support.  But Fjord...  There was a sweet gentleness to him that felt unlike anything Caduceus had ever experienced, but he had never considered it <em>love</em>.  He loved all the Nein, and while the shape of the love he felt for Fjord felt <em> different</em>, he wasn't sure if it was that so-called <em> spark </em> that so often was mentioned in Jester’s books.  It had felt natural to kiss him, and it felt natural to want to keep kissing him, but in the same way it felt natural to be friends with him.</p><p>In truth, the request for a kiss was spontaneous and perhaps even selfish, and yet… Fjord had agreed.</p><p>Fjord was so kind, so thoughtful in his desire to make sure Caduceus felt safe during this time… He knew it was partially a protective thing.  The two of them had a strong bond, and Fjord clearly had struggled with similar things in the past.  He did not want to see a friend go through the pain he had gone through.  But at the same time there was no denying that this was a huge ask for anyone, even a very close friend.  Caduceus had learned that sex was something people of the Empire coveted in quiet whispers and fervent glances.  And yet here they were, Fjord offering to be intimate in a way Caduceus hadn’t even dreamed of.</p><p>They had not said it, they had both been very careful in their wording when they spoke, not wanting to put pressure on each other to make this into something more, but he knew this was something far more than “helping a friend”.  And to accept could be seen as so much more than “asking for help”.</p><p>This felt like something one would do if they were <em>in</em> love with someone.</p><p>At that, a pleasant shiver rolled down Caduceus’ spine, as if his body suddenly adored the very <em> idea </em> of being loved.  Not romance, that nebulous concept he didn't understand, but the attention and care being loved offered him.  Caduceus felt a tightening in his belly, a pleasant tension that seemed to coil low and hot, and another shiver passed over him.  His heart beat became heavy and strong, and Caduceus could feel the blood pumping through every inch of him.</p><p>Especially his loins.</p><p><em> This was natural </em> , he reminded himself.  Though it was new, it was not unexpected.  These feelings were driven by instinct and nature, beyond his normal understanding of his body.  He did not have much experience with arousal, but he knew that it was nothing to be afraid of.  This was a time to experiment, to see a side of himself he did not normally get to.  This was a time to <em> bloom </em>.</p><p>Closing his eyes, Caduceus slipped his hands under the water and came to find his cock had extended even further out of its sheath, throbbing pleasantly in the warm heat of the charmed bath.  Normally he would have to stimulate himself to get an erection like this, but he supposed this was the power the bloom had over him.  Carefully wrapping a hand around it, he stroked slowly, helping it extend the remaining amount.  </p><p>It was long, slender for now but it would thicken, and curved upward slightly, mottled pink and grey skin soft and delicate due to being so often tucked away inside him.  The final inch was always the most difficult part for him - the knot at the base of his cock was small now, but it was so sensitive that he rarely had the composure to fully expose it to the open air.  But this time was different.  This time he could feel the rounded bulb come out easily, and he shuddered as his fingers brushed against it.</p><p>The smell of the lavender, the warmth of the water, it suddenly became like a heavy blanket, wrapping Caduceus in a sense of comfort he hadn’t known he longed for.  He sunk down into it, keeping his chin just above the water as his knees rode up to accommodate him.  A few quick jerks of his hand and he could feel his knot throb - it would slowly swell larger over the course of the bloom, his body preparing to lock him to a mate to breed.  He would be unable to retract it back into its sheath until this was all over.  His eyes rolled back into his head as he stroked again, letting the pressure and friction of his hand play against the silky smooth texture of his cock and the enveloping warmth of the water.</p><p>And yet…</p><p>Caduceus had touched himself before, but he didn’t have a lot of experience with it.  Sexual pleasure was an afterthought, something only engaged in when nothing else had worked.  He knew, generally, what felt good, but he hadn’t honed the skill, so to speak.  And as he stroked his member he felt hot pressure building in his gut - the want, the need for release, but the lack of skill to get himself there.  His hands were not fast enough, not firm enough, not sure enough, he felt fuzzy headed and slow.  He felt like he could be at this for hours, trying to persuade his body to <em> let go, </em> teetering on a knife’s edge.</p><p>Perhaps imagining something pleasant?  He thought back to the kiss he had just experienced, to the spark it set aflame inside him, and stroked once more.  <em> That </em>did something, though he could not put his finger on what.  Another shudder went over him, and Caduceus heard a soft groan escape his lips.  He tried to put this in the context he had learned from Jester's books...  Kissing Fjord.  Touching Fjord.  Holding Fjord…  His thoughts had never gone down this path before, but they were growing fast, erratic, and heavy.  Would Fjord’s hand feel better than his own?  Fjord’s <em> mouth </em>? Fjord’s-</p><p>At that, he heard the sound of the lock on the door to the suite click open.</p><p>He stilled, his heart pounding so loud in his ears it sounded like thunder.  Fjord had returned.  He could hear him walking around the wooden floor of the apartment, his boots heavy with steps that paced back and forth, nervous and quiet.  There were no other sounds, and Fjord knew where Caduceus was.  He could probably hear the splash of the water, the way Caduceus’ breath was heavy on the air… would he put the picture together in his mind?</p><p>Caduceus was not ashamed of Fjord hearing him, this is what they were here for after all, but he could not bring himself to resume his strokes.  Something had come over him, and he seemed utterly transfixed by the small sounds coming from the other room.  The sounds of Fjord moving, the smell of the lavender, the feeling of the warm water on his skin… he had lost the momentum, but his cock was still <em> throbbing </em> and he simply couldn’t <em> will </em>himself to do anything.</p><p>His body knew what it had to do, but his mind… his mind was still catching up.</p><p>Perhaps he needed help.</p><p>“Fjord?” Caduceus called, his voice winded.</p><p>“You alright Duces?” Fjord called back from the lounge, and Caduceus could hear the concern in his voice.</p><p>“I… it’s started,” was all he could gasp.  Fjord said nothing, but he could hear shuffling in the room as the half orc set something down and began to move towards the bathing room.</p><p>“You okay in there?” Fjord asked, voice closer now, but not stepping past the silk curtains.</p><p>“I’m fine I’m…” Caduceus took a deep breath.  “My body is getting ahead of the rest of me, I think.”</p><p>“Go ahead and finish up in there,” Fjord replied.  “I’ll ready the bed for you.”</p><p>Caduceus eased himself up from the water and reached for a towel from the rack.  Fjord had been right - his legs felt weak like a newborn calf.  He stepped carefully out of the tub, and felt his cock hang heavy and hot between his legs - an entirely new sensation for him, it rarely was out of his sheath this long.  His head was spinning, and the beating of his heart seemed so <em> loud </em>, so omnipresent that he could hardly believe Fjord didn’t hear it too.  His hands began to shake, and he knew he wouldn’t be able to dry off and get dressed in this state.  Grasping the towel, he wrapped it around his waist, and made his way shakily towards the bedroom.</p><p>Fjord was busy stripping the blankets and sheets from the bed, tossing excess pillows aside when he heard Caduceus’ footsteps.  The firbolg emerged, flushed and dripping, panting for breath.  There was a long pause as they looked each other over, and then finally Fjord spoke.</p><p>“No clothes?” he asked with a nervous smile, a slight blush creeping over him.</p><p>“Can’t…” Caduceus gasped.  “My genitals are engorged.”</p><p>Fjord choked out something between a cough and a laugh.  “Come over here.”</p><p>“Thank you,” Caduceus answered, working his way across the room.  Walking with his newly exposed cock brushing against his leg was difficult - Fjord was quick to hurry to his side, take his hand and help him over to the bed.</p><p>“You know, most folks would just say they have a boner,” Fjord chuckled, making eye contact as he eased Caduceus down onto the bed.</p><p>“Oh, is <em> that </em> what that means,” Caduceus winced, laying back as Fjord helped lift his long gangly legs onto the mattress.  The bed was so soft, soft like downy baby fur, like overgrown grass, like a warm hazy cloud.  It felt so wonderful, it felt so <em> much. </em>   “I had always wondered.  Such an <em> odd </em> phrase...”</p><p>It became clear as he lay down that his erection was sizable, tenting the towel he had wrapped around his waist, but he was suddenly so overwhelmed with the sensation of everything he felt paralyzed by it.  The water clinging to his fur, the smell of lavender still warm and heavy around him, the soft pillowy bed...  He felt himself staring into Fjord’s eyes, his lovely, golden eyes...</p><p>“Duces?” Fjord whispered, brushing some wet hair out of Caduceus’ face.</p><p>Caduceus answered, his voice husky and low.  “It came on very suddenly, I didn’t realize it would happen so fast.”   He tried very hard not to lean into Fjord’s hand as it drew close to his cheek.</p><p>“Are you in pain?” Fjord asked softly.</p><p>“I don’t… I don’t think so,” Caduceus admitted.  “It’s all… very new, but it isn’t unpleasant.”</p><p>Fjord looked over Caduceus’ face, then glanced down at the towel around his waist.  He was fixated on it, and for a moment Caduceus was confused.  They had bathed together before, Fjord had seen… <em> Oh</em>.  Through the haze, Caduceus realized that this may not have been the first time he had been <em> naked </em> near Fjord, but it was the first time he had been <em> aroused</em>.  </p><p>The first time he had been unsheathed with him.  With <em> anyone</em>.</p><p>“Didn’t realize firbolgs got so big,” he muttered, and Caduceus huffed a few wheezy laughs as response.  “You need me to leave you alone so you can…”</p><p>“Fjord…” Caduceus reached out and grabbed at Fjord’s arm, pulling him closer to the bed.  “Please I … I’m…”</p><p>“Shhhh,” soothed Fjord, tucking another strand of hair behind Caduceus’ ear.  “It’s okay.  Your head will clear for a bit once you get off.”</p><p>“Help me,” gasped Caduceus.  “Please, <em> help </em> me, there’s so much…  It’s so <em> much... </em>”</p><p>A wave of realization passed over Fjord’s face, his worried features softening into something more empathetic than afraid.</p><p>“What do you need, Caduceus?”</p><p>“I-I think I… I don’t know,” he stammered, soft and breathy.  “I don’t know, p-please…”</p><p>Fjord slowly reached to the towel, and unwrapped it from Caduceus’ waist.  The moment his cock was free of the fabric it stood hard and erect, still glistening from the water, and Caduceus moaned, feeling his legs slide involuntarily against the sheets as he tried to buck his hips upwards toward the pressure and warmth the towel had offered.  With a whimper, he glanced down his long body and saw it, flushed and beading precome, Fjord’s hand hovering just far enough away to seem like torture.</p><p>“Is it okay if I touch you, Caduceus?”</p><p>Caduceus nodded frantically, closing his eyes, but Fjord didn’t move.</p><p>“Red or green Caduceus.”</p><p>It took a moment for Caduceus to even remember what those words <em> meant</em>, but once he did there was only one answer.  “Green,” he choked out, and <em> finally </em> he felt a warm, firm hand close around his cock.</p><p>The sensation of a hand that was not his own, moving, stroking, was <em> electric</em>.  Caduceus felt like the breath had been stolen right from his lungs, and his back arched, pushing himself into Fjord’s grasp.</p><p>“<em>Easy </em> there big fella,” Fjord soothed.  Another stroke, with a small twist at the head, and Caduceus felt tears in his eyes.  “I’ve got you.”</p><p>The warm sensation of being grasped, of his dribbling spend being smeared against Fjord’s hand - Caduceus’ sensation was focused down to that single point of contact.  The distractions, the noise, it all fell away, the way that the world dropped away when the Mother spoke to him.  <em> Sublime</em>.  This one place, where the two of them connected, was the only thing left in the universe.</p><p>“F-fjord,” Caduceus breathed... or maybe it was all in his head, he was no longer sure where the edges of him started and stopped.</p><p>“Caduceus,” Fjord answered softly, and Mother help him, was his voice always so <em> smooth</em>?  “Caduceus you need to <em> let go</em>.  You’ll feel a lot better once you cum.”</p><p>He didn’t <em> want </em> to.  He didn’t want this moment to stop, this sacred holy thing that felt like every nerve was sparking with magic, but Fjord’s wrist twisted once more, and Caduceus found himself gasping, twitching, and with a sudden clench in his belly, releasing, his spend dripping hot against his body as Fjord came to a still.</p><p>Things were fuzzy, hazy in the way that a summer sunset was, and he felt just as warm, just as vibrant.  Caduceus vaguely was aware that Fjord was no longer touching him, that he was moving on the edge of his vision, but he neither had the focus nor the strength to follow him.  Another shudder, this one warm and pleasant, coursed through him, and Caduceus breathed in deep the smell of lavender, of musk, of sex.</p><p>Suddenly something cool was being placed on his forehead, and something else was carefully wiping him down, cleaning him up.  Caduceus brought his eyes back into focus, and saw Fjord, focused on the task at hand.</p><p>“That… that was wonderful,” Caduceus sighed, enjoying the way Fjord carefully patted down his still-wet fur.  “You’re very good at that.”</p><p>“You’ll forgive me if I don’t take the praise of a man who just got his first handjob,” Fjord chuckled.  “I feel like you might be <em> slightly </em> biased.”</p><p>“I can see why everyone is so obsessed with this,” Caduceus hummed, stretching out on the soft bed as he regained a sense of where the boundaries of his limbs were again.  “Very enjoyable.”</p><p>Fjord paused his cleaning.  “Is it… isn’t it supposed to go back <em> in </em> now?”</p><p>Caduceus shook his head, putting a hand to his forehead to find the damp washcloth Fjord had put there.  “Normally yes, but during a bloom it will stay swollen for awhile.  It won’t fully retract until this all passes.”</p><p>“Gotcha,” Fjord answered, clearing his throat once more.  “Hopefully it’ll be less… overwhelming.  For a bit at least.”</p><p>“<em>Thank you </em>, Fjord.”</p><p>“I just did what you asked me to,” Fjord answered, that lovely ruddy blush creeping back across his green skin.  He had seemed so sure, so confident in the moment Caduceus had needed him, but now that it had passed he was slipping back into that gentle humility and shyness that he more often wore.  “Nothing special about what I did.”</p><p>“You’re very <em>handsome</em>,” Caduceus said, and that got a small smile from Fjord.  “That has to count for something.”</p><p>“<em>That </em> is the post-nut delirium setting in,” Fjord joked, finishing up his work and pulling a clean, white sheet up over Caduceus’ waist.  “Go ahead and get a quick nap in, I’ll finish cleaning up the bathroom.”</p><p>Caduceus was going to say that he wasn’t tired, that he had never felt more awake and alive than he did in this moment…</p><p>And then he was fast asleep.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>more to come!  Thank you everyone who has left comments, you are all so delightful and kind &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Caduceus and Fjord take some down time between Caduceus' cycles to talk.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Just a short non-sexy transitional chapter because their friendship is important to me and so is the world building i am doing &lt;3  Sexytimes resume next time.</p><p>Heads up, Fjord uses the terms "Male" and "Female" when what he means are "penis-having" and "uterus-having", and it's clear he puts himself in the "female" category despite the fact that he has socially transitioned, takes hrt potions, and had top surgery.  I'm trying to be very sensitive to the idea that Fjord, who has no formal education, would not really have a full vocabulary to express his relationship to gender - most of what he's learned has either been from outdated anatomy books or from listening to the (mostly cis) crew members he spent time with.   He is a Man, but he's not sure if he qualifies for the medical definition of "Male" (but really Fjord, who does).  There is no drama with this, he's not upset or dysphoric over it, but I wanted to give a heads up either way.</p><p>Updated on Nov 22nd for aroace Caduceus, tho there isn't much to update in this chapter.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The sound of birds and the gentle smell of roses.</p><p>Those are the first things Caduceus noticed when he found himself stirring in the luxurious sheets of his bed.  He was curled up on his side, the sheets now pulled up around his shoulders, rubbing his face against the pillow.  Once his eyes were open, he could see that he was facing the interior of the room, and the balcony door was open, letting in an afternoon’s spring breeze. He could hear a soft, calm voice coming from outside.</p><p>“He’s <em> fine </em> Jester.  We’re both fine.  He’s sleeping right now.  Tell Caleb we paid for three nights, but it could be more.  See you later.”</p><p>With a sigh and a stretch, Caduceus rolled onto his back and sunk down into the bed a little more.  They hadn’t even been gone a day, but Jester was worried about them.  Or morbidly curious, honestly it could go either way.  Still, it was nice to know that she and the others cared so much.  </p><p>It felt <em> wonderful </em> to be cared for.</p><p>Sitting up slightly, Caduceus looked around the room.  Fjord had moved one of the chairs from the lounge into the bedroom, and he had placed the food he had gotten from the kitchens on the dresser top - a basket of fruit, a wedge of cheese, and some small loaves of bread.  Caduceus could smell all of them, even from the other side of the room, and they all were fragrant - wonderful and fresh.</p><p>He was beginning to see why a bloom was so revered among his people.  This beautiful connection he was feeling to his body and to the world around him, his senses reaching out and grasping at things he may not have noticed otherwise… that was <em> truly </em> an awe-inspiring thing.</p><p>Also the sexual aspect seemed to be rather enjoyable.</p><p>Shifting in the sheets he could feel that his cock was still exposed, but there was no urgent ache as there had been earlier.  It was still sensitive, but the frenzied overwhelming sensation had subsided for now, thanks to Fjord’s careful hand.</p><p>Just as soon as he thought of Fjord, the half orc returned to the room from the balcony.  He was holding a bright red apple that he had been cutting slices off of to eat, one of which was currently poised on the edge of his knife.</p><p>“Oh, you’re awake,” Fjord said softly.  “Did you sleep alright?”</p><p>“Honestly, it was some of the best sleep I’ve had in days,” Caduceus admitted, “I knew that sleeplessness was a sign that a bloom was approaching, but I just didn’t put it together.”</p><p>“It’s nice that your body gives you a little heads up,” Fjord chuckled, “Though I guess those warnings are useless if you ignore them.”</p><p>He walked over to the side of the bed, and offered Caduceus the slice of the apple he had cut, which Caduceus took with a smile.</p><p>“I can get you some bread or cheese if you’d like,” Fjord continued, gesturing to the spread of food he had put on the dresser.  “Wasn’t sure what you’d be craving.”</p><p>“Oh, are cravings a thing I should expect?” Caduceus asked, popping the apple slice into his mouth - was this the sweetest, crispiest apple he had ever tasted, or was that just the bloom?</p><p>“I get them,” Fjord shrugged, “Wasn’t sure if they were a firbolg thing too.”</p><p>Caduceus wanted to ask Fjord so many questions about his experiences, but felt like every one was too invasive, too personal.  So he settled on something more neutral.</p><p>“I’m very grateful you’re here to help me,” he said quietly, “That could have been a very stressful experience if… if I hadn’t known you were there.”</p><p>Fjord blushed slightly and made his way over to the chair he had brought in.</p><p>“So when you said inexperienced I didn’t realize that included… solo activities,” Fjord coughed, settling down in the chair.</p><p>“Oh,” Caduceus said, pausing to think about what Fjord meant.  “I’m not <em> completely </em> inexperienced, I have explored my body before.  But it’s not something I do very often.  It’s just not something that I think about, usually.”</p><p>“Yeah I was shocked when you said you were going into it,” admitted Fjord.  “Didn’t even realize you were capable of… intimacy like that.  You always struck me as kind of… <em> above </em> those things.”</p><p>“I’m not a celibate monk,” Caduceus teased.  “My body is just not as prone to arousal without manual stimulation.”</p><p>“Guess I just assumed it was a religious thing,” Fjord admitted.</p><p>“Oh, sex is a natural part of life,” Caduceus answered.  “The Wildmother is just as much about sex as She is the trees and earth.  She would never ask Her followers to give up such an essential part of Herself.  If it's something the body longs for, She would give Her blessing.”</p><p>Fjord nodded, but did not really seem to have an answer for that.  He instead reached over and grabbed another apple, and a loaf of bread, and tossed them to Caduceus one at a time.</p><p>“Here, you told me to make sure you eat,” Fjord said.  “Best to do it while your head is clear.”</p><p>Caduceus enjoyed the cool fruit and warm bread in silence as Fjord finished off the last of his own apple.  They were delicious of course, the apple just as sweet as the slice Fjord had given him, crisp and juicy against his teeth.  The bread was nutty, tangy with a delightfully crunchy crust and soft inside.  As he ate he felt <em> ravenous </em>.  He hadn’t realized how hungry he really was, but it made sense - he had done some rather strenuous exercise before falling asleep.</p><p>“So orcs get cravings, huh?” Caduceus asked as he pulled another chunk of bread off the loaf - the crackling sound of the crust pulling apart was almost as delightful as the taste.</p><p>“Orc mating cycles are all based on calorie intake,” Fjord explained dryly, reaching for a loaf of his own.  “<em>Males </em> go into rut when they have a consistent intake of food for a long enough period, and then the <em> females </em> respond with a reactionary heat that makes them want to bulk up and mate.  Typically in the fall.”</p><p>Caduceus noted Fjord’s choice of words carefully.  He already knew Fjord was a Self-Made Man, but he imagined that it was strange for Fjord to talk about anatomy and social structure without drawing attention to his own relationship with it.  Fjord didn’t <em> hate </em> his body, in fact since coming to the Wildmother Fjord had seemed to grow quite comfortable with himself, but he was still learning how to talk about gender without getting tripped up.  Caduceus understood to a degree - gender, as he understood it, was an elaborate ritual that people performed in an attempt to fit in, and in many places those who did not fit were <em> made </em> to fit.  </p><p>Fjord had done that for himself, and it had been hard and desperate work his whole life.</p><p>“So your heats are not that different than my bloom after all,” Caduceus replied.  “When conditions are met and a suitable mate is nearby, the body undergoes the change in preparation to breed.”</p><p>“There are <em> some </em> differences,” Fjord insisted, “And they can get triggered all year, it’s just fall is harvest time so there’s usually more food to go around.”</p><p>“That makes sense.”  Caduceus took another bite of bread.  As he chewed, a thought crossed his mind.  “<em>Your </em> heat won’t trigger by being near <em> me</em>, will it?”</p><p>“No I… things mellow out for orcs around 25 unless they’re actively pursuing a mate,” Fjord admitted.  “I haven’t had a heat in two years.  Plus I always started in late summer, when the fishing was best.  <em> And </em> my genes aren’t as reactive since I’m only <em> half </em> orc.  I shouldn’t have anything to worry about.”</p><p>Caduceus listened to Fjord’s reasoning before nodding in agreement.  “Alright then. As long as I’m not putting you in a bad situation.”</p><p>Fjord scoffed.  “It’s <em> fine</em>, I’m not worried about it at all.  We’re here to worry about <em> you</em>.”</p><p>“I hope you’re not <em> too </em> worried about me,” Caduceus said.  “Things seem to be going well so far.”</p><p>“I <em> am </em> concerned about the…  the whole… <em> engorged </em> did you call it?” Fjord said.  “Are you going to be able to put clothes on?”</p><p>“Nudity during a bloom is pretty common.  Cuts down on the chaffing,” Caduceus admitted. “I have some long nightshirts I can wear if my genitals make you uncomfortable.”</p><p>“I think I demonstrated that I am <em> not </em> uncomfortable about your...” Fjord’s thoughts drifted off before he snapped back into the conversation..  “I’d just never… <em> seen </em> it before.  I guess on some level I knew firbolgs had different parts, but I never realized <em> how </em> different it was.”</p><p>“In a way, my anatomy is more like yours than it is to, say, a human with a penis,” Caduceus explained.  “External genitals are a terribly inefficient design.  Much more practical to keep them inside, where they aren’t constantly vulnerable to trauma.”</p><p>At that Fjord chuckled, and Caduceus smiled as well.</p><p>“Can I get you anything?” Fjord asked.</p><p>“If you would grab my bag for me, I have something I’d like to do before everything starts up again.”</p><p>Fjord nodded, and went to fetch Caduceus’ pack from the lounge.  Bringing it over to the bed, Caduceus took the soft worn leather in his hands, and began searching through pockets until he found a cloth bundle tied with twine.  Undoing the knot, he unrolled the fabric to reveal several dried sprigs of different plants - leaves, flowers, and even some roots.</p><p>“What is this?” Fjord asked, looking over the bundle.</p><p>“A small slice of home,” Caduceus answered, carefully selecting a few of the plants.  “Some old home remedies made from things from the garden back in the grove.”</p><p>“You've carried those all this time?”</p><p>“A Clay never travels without them,” Caduceus sighed.  “There is value in magic, but there is also magic in the earth.  Why spend a spell healing nausea when camomile will do the same?  Aunt Corrin always had a few of these premade and waiting in the cabinet, made sure my siblings always had one when they traveled, so when I left I brought one for myself.”</p><p>“They’re medicinal then?” Fjord asked, watching Caduceus begin to chew one of the plants he had chosen.</p><p>“Yes, but they’re also comforting,” Caduceus admitted.  “All of this… it does make me feel rather homesick.”</p><p>So much thought recently devoted to his family, how they had raised him and how he had grown up… He had watched Colton and Calliope go through this, their mother patiently watching over them, and a part of him longed for that - the experience of undergoing the passage to this next stage of life with his <em> family </em> .  It would be different than what he had now, of course.  The help Fjord offered was obviously <em> very </em>different than the type a member of his family would give.  At home he would be left alone during the moments when the bloom was at its strongest, for privacy.  But moments like this, when he was calm and clear headed, his family would have taken care of him.  It would be nice after such a taxing experience to have his mother there to kiss his forehead and brush his fur, his siblings around to cook him a meal and bring him fresh blankets, his aunt to mix him herbal teas to soothe his stomach, his father there to talk about what he was feeling, and what it all meant.</p><p>Never in all the years he had listened to his mother’s teachings did he think he would be doing this <em> alone</em>.</p><p>Then again…</p><p>Fjord sat on the edge of the bed and watched Caduceus chew his herbs with soft eyes.  He wasn’t <em> really </em> alone in this, was he?  The Wildmother had brought him and Fjord together, and while Fjord was not a firbolg, he had experience with mating cycles and other things that were proving useful.  It wasn’t the experienced guidance of his family, but it was support, and it was appreciated.  And Caduceus knew that there was no such thing as coincidence - Fjord had grown closer to Caduceus over the past few months, they had a bond through their shared worship.</p><p>Even though Caduceus was far from home, the Wildmother did Her best to ensure that Caduceus was not <em> alone </em> for this.  And for that he was very grateful.</p><p>After swallowing his herbs, Caduceus laid back in the bed, letting his head rest softly on the pillow.</p><p>They spent the afternoon in quiet conversation, discussing the many threads that were weaving through the Mighty Nein, where their travels might take them next.  It was warm and pleasant, and Caduceus enjoyed listening to Fjord talk at length about whatever was on his mind - their current mission, his life at sea, his training with Beau.  His voice was soft, comforting, and Caduceus felt that he could be forgiven if he seemed a little too rapt with attention to Fjord's words - was it the bloom that made them feel so soothing?  </p><p>No, he would be happy to listen to Fjord talk any time. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Because I don't think it will come up, i imagine firbolgs have internal gonads regardless of gender, so firbolgs with a penis do not have external balls.  A penis sheath and a vaginal opening look very similar on firbolgs.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>After a long day, Caduceus' bloom returns, and he and Fjord have to start to unpack what this arrangement might mean for their friendship.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Edited on November 23rd to account for aroace caduceus!  For clarification here's the general headcanon I have been working with as I make these edits: caduceus is aesthetically attracted to Fjord (he handsome), but not romantically.  He loves Fjord, but it's more of a deep respect and care than anything romantic.  This is now compounding with his demisexuality, aka his bloom is making his body actually feel sexual attraction towards fjord (who he cares about deeply and trusts, even if it isn't "romantic" love).  I hope that is coming across okay, like I've said previously I have a lot of experience with the sexuality aspect of this portrayal but the aromantic elements are something I had to do research on.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Before he knew it, the sun had set.  Caduceus had been so caught up in conversation with Fjord that it was only when his friend got up to shut the balcony door that he realized it was night.</p><p>“Gods is it already that late?” Fjord sighed, glancing at the moons as he closed the glass door.  “Seems like this day just flew by.”</p><p>Caduceus nodded.  It was dark, but he wasn’t tired, still feeling rested from his afternoon nap.  And he wasn’t hungry either, not with all the snacking on fruit and cheese they had been doing.  But there <em> was </em> something gnawing deep in his belly, and he couldn’t quite put his finger on what it was.  He watched Fjord fish some matches out of his pocket, and light a few candles around the room.</p><p>“I’m gonna go tend the fireplace,” Fjord said, gesturing to the other room.  “Should I put on some tea?”</p><p>“That would be very nice, let me see who I have,” Caduceus answered, digging into his bag for one of his many mixes.  He pulled out a small glass bottle filled with dried leaves, the label faded and yellowed.  “Here.  The Highburough family.  Sort of a peppermint, soothes the stomach.”</p><p>Fjord nodded as he took the bottle.  “Is your stomach upset?”</p><p>“No, but I do feel odd,” Caduceus admitted.  “It’s probably starting again.”</p><p>“Please let me know if you need help,” Fjord replied.</p><p>Caduceus watched as Fjord walked to the silk curtains separating the two rooms, and the half orc glanced back at him once before ducking under them and heading to the fireplace.</p><p>With a hum Caduceus slipped down into the sheets again.  Putting a hand to his throat, he felt his pulse and temperature - fast and high, but not as bad as it had been before.  He felt wide awake, like he was ready to jump out of bed and race a Moorbounder.  Letting his hands go lower, he carefully experimented with touching his body in new ways - his chest, his belly, his thighs.</p><p>There was something pleasant about letting his fingers drift over himself, exploring but not really staying in one place so long as to get comfortable.  The soft, short fur of his body responded well to touch, and he delighted in the way going against the natural grain would send a shiver down his spine.  He also enjoyed the sensation of touching his more dense and bristly belly fur, tracing the seam of where it traveled down his chest to his loins.</p><p>He could feel the dull ache in his cock that he knew was arousal, but it still felt muted and far away.  Like it was taking it’s time, letting him warm up.  He knew that these encounters would get more intense and frequent in the coming hours as he moved into the height of his bloom, but it was nice just for now to feel it thrumming through his veins, quiet and warm.</p><p>Fjord returned with two cups of hot tea.  Caduceus’ ears perked up, and pulled his hands out from under the blankets.  He took the offered cup gratefully, which made Fjord chuckle.</p><p>“Getting started then?” he laughed.</p><p>“Just figuring out what feels nice,” Caduceus replied, sitting up and taking a long sip.  “Oh this is <em> lovely</em>, Fjord, you’re getting much better at this.”</p><p>“I mean with how <em> often </em> we drink the stuff I would hope I was,” Fjord laughed, and again, that beautiful ruddy blush painted his cheeks.  “A guy over-steeps his tea <em> once </em> and then that’s all anyone wants to talk about.”</p><p>He was <em> so </em> beautiful.</p><p>Caduceus could feel that fluttering in his belly again, those fireflies sending sparks through his whole body.  It felt so <em> aching</em>, so <em> familiar</em>, and so wonderfully <em> safe</em>, just like the pleasant burn of warm tea filling his belly with every swallow.  It would be so much, to feel like this all the time, but a small part of him wished he could bottle it and save it for another day, to call on it when he was feeling nostalgic for the comfort this experience had brought him.</p><p>Maybe there were other ways to recall it.</p><p>“Fjord, I’ve been meaning to ask you,” Caduceus began, setting his teacup on the nightstand.  “There was no real need for me to kiss you, but you let me do it anyway.”</p><p>“You said you wanted to try it,” Fjord answered, coming to sit on the edge of the bed.  “To see if it felt nice.”</p><p>“It felt <em> very </em> nice,” Caduceus continued.  “Nicer than I could have ever hoped for, considering my interest before today.  But… I don’t want you to think you have to indulge me just because I am in bloom.”</p><p>Fjord glanced at his teacup before answering.  “I wasn’t indulging you,” came his soft answer.  “I told you, I wanted to help.”</p><p>“You <em> wanted </em> to kiss me,” was Caduceus’ answer.</p><p>Fjord fumbled his teacup, almost dropping it before he caught himself, spilling a little on his shirt.</p><p>“Shit!”  He stood up, putting his cup on the dresser and holding out the hot stain from his body.  Caduceus reached toward him, and he stepped away, still blushing.  “I’m okay I’m okay it didn’t burn me,” Fjord stammered.  “I just… I just…”</p><p>He didn’t seem to know what to say.</p><p>Caduceus glanced back down at the bed, then back at Fjord, feeling his gaze grow soft.  “I’m sorry Fjord, I didn’t mean to make you nervous.”</p><p>“I-it’s okay Duces,” Fjord answered, looking him in the eye.  “L-listen.  Feelings get… <em> complicated,</em> during shit like this.  It gets hard to tell what parts are real and what parts are just <em> hormones </em> talking.”</p><p>“Oh,” Caduceus replied, unsure just where Fjord was going with this.</p><p>“S-so if you want to talk about… <em> feelings</em>,” he continued, nervously glancing at the ceiling.  “Maybe wait.  Until the bloom is over.  So you don’t say something you regret.”</p><p>Ah.</p><p>“Fjord I-“</p><p>"I know you're not... I know you've never really been interested in s-sex or relationships," Fjord continued, "And that's fine, you're amazing just the way you are.  You don't have to change."  He cleared his throat.  “I said I would do this for you as a <em>friend</em>, and I meant it,” he said firmly.  “I don’t want to confuse you or make things harder.  This can just be a thing we do once, and when it’s over we stay just friends.  I’m okay with that.  You don’t have to make me feel like this is something more than that.”</p><p>Caduceus could feel his heartbeat thudding in his chest like a wild animal trying to escape as his mind raced to process what it was Fjord was getting at.  Was he worried that Caduceus didn't <em>love him</em>?  Or was it that he was afraid it wasn't the <em>right</em> kind of love?  “Fjord I care about you a lot.”</p><p>“And I <em>care</em> about you too,” Fjord answered.  “Which is why… if you have something you think you need to say to me, say it <em>after</em> this is over.  So that <em>you</em> know that it’s real.  And if it isn’t we can pretend this didn’t happen.  For now, let’s just enjoy this for what it is.”</p><p>“And what is <em>this</em>?” Caduceus asked, looking Fjord right in his beautiful gold eyes.</p><p>“Your <em>first time</em>,” Fjord answered.  “A moment where I want you to feel safe, and cared for, and good.”</p><p>There was a look on his face that looked pained, and Caduceus could almost hear Fjord thinking… <em> The way it never was for me</em>.</p><p>“I do feel safe,” Caduceus replied, and Fjord smiled in response.</p><p>With a shrug, he held out his stained shirt once more.  “I-is it alright if I…?”</p><p>“Of course.”</p><p>With that, Fjord pulled off his shirt, exposing the spring green expanse of his chest.  <em> Oh</em>, Caduceus felt that wild animal thrash and claw even harder, knocking the wind from his lungs.  He had seen Fjord shirtless many times, but in this context, with the low light and the heavy atmosphere, felt entirely new.  Vulnerable, trusting, <em>intimate</em>.  The firm, defined lines of his pecs were accented by scars - one long down the center of his breastbone, where Caduceus had pressed a diamond once to revive him, and two framing the undersides of them, showing the lengths Fjord had gone to to become the man he was.  His belly was soft, not defined with muscles, but still strong and powerful, and his body was broad, built to do hard work on the open seas.</p><p>He was so handsome, so beautiful and green, like new shoots of grass after a long snow.</p><p>The shirt was tossed to the chair, and then Fjord moved closer to Caduceus, eyes soft.  He sat next to Caduceus on the bed, a hand hovering on the hem of the blankets.</p><p>“What do you <em> want</em>, Caduceus?”</p><p>Caduceus could feel the heat rising in his face.  What he <em> wanted </em> was complicated.  He didn't really know... was it to kiss Fjord again?  To lie next to him in bed?  To see where it went from there as they touched each other’s bodies, enjoying the company and warmth?  Yes, yes but also to <em>know</em>.  To know that Fjord understood what it meant to Caduceus to be here, with him, in this sacred and vulnerable time.<em><br/></em></p><p>“What I <em> need</em> is to know that you’re really comfortable with this,” Caduceus answered.</p><p>“Duces I’ve told you-”</p><p>“I know, and I believe you,” Caduceus replied, his stomach doing flips.  “And I understand what you’re saying.  Which is why I need to ask you… <em>are</em> you afraid this will change something between us?”</p><p>Fjord shook his head.  “No.  No, I trust you to stay my friend.”</p><p>“I don’t want you to think of this as a <em> duty </em> you have to do,” Caduceus explained.  “You said you want this to be enjoyable for me, but I want that for you too.  You should get as much out of this as I do.  So what do <em> you </em> need, Fjord?  What can I do to make you comfortable?”</p><p>The hand that had been hovering above the blankets finally pulled away, and came to cup Caduceus’ cheek.  Caduceus felt himself leaning into it despite everything - being <em> touched </em> felt so wonderful, even in this small way.</p><p>“I <em> am </em>comfortable.  I’m always comfortable with you.”  His thumb strayed over Caduceus’ cheek.  “Can we just… make each other feel good,” Fjord said, and there was a soft sadness to his voice, “And sort out what it all <em>means</em> later?”</p><p>“Is that what you want?” Caduceus replied, and Fjord nodded.  “Alright then.  I look forward to that.”  He was relieved to see Fjord smile at that.</p><p>“I think you said you wanted to try kissing again?” he said with a chuckle.  “Red or green?”</p><p>“Green,” Caduceus breathed, and Fjord leaned into his face to let their lips brush against each other once more.</p><p>If the kiss in the morning had felt like sparks, this one felt like a <em> wildfire </em> in Caduceus’ chest.  His experience with kissing was minimal, but Fjord seemed well practiced.  Caduceus delighted in the way Fjord’s slightly chapped lips felt against his own, the way that Fjord’s blunted tusks nudged against his mouth, the way he seemed to breathe Fjord in with each gasp and sigh.  The hand on Caduceus’ cheek drifted down to the pillow, letting Fjord put weight on it as he leaned in more to the kisses, letting them travel from Caduceus’ lips to the corner of his mouth, to his cheek and down to his neck.</p><p>“That’s… that’s very nice,” Caduceus breathed, loving the warm pressure on the throbbing pulse in his throat.  He could feel Fjord smile, and that felt wonderful too.  “May I touch you?”</p><p>“Green,” Fjord purred into Caduceus’ throat, letting his nose brush against the soft velvet of Caduceus’ ear.</p><p>Caduceus let his hands come to Fjord’s side, and he let his fingers softly trail up and down, feeling the hot expanse of green skin, like running his hand through the sun-warmed grass on a verdant hill.</p><p>“Can we… Can we get on our sides?” Caduceus asked.  “I’d like to see your face.”</p><p>He moved over in the bed to make room for Fjord, pushing the blankets down so that his chest and belly were exposed too, and was relieved to see that Fjord happily climbed into the space he left for him.  They kissed once more, and then Caduceus set his head against the pillow, looking into Fjord’s eyes.  Fjord did the same, and they lay face to face, a few inches apart.</p><p>“What feels nice for me to touch?” Caduceus asked.</p><p>“I mean, what you’re doing with your hand is nice,” Fjord sighed, and Caduceus stroked his side again.  “Wouldn’t mind if you did that just about anywhere.  Chest would be really good.  What should I do for you?”</p><p>Caduceus tucked his chin into his chest.  “I have always wondered what it would feel like to have someone run their fingers through my fur,” he admitted.  “I know brushing feels nice, but I’ve always been curious if a hand would feel… different.”</p><p>“Anywhere I shouldn’t touch?” Fjord asked.</p><p>“M-maybe stay above the blanket for now,” Caduceus chuckled, though his cock throbbed in objection.</p><p>Fjord made an affirming noise, and then carefully let his hands drift down to Caduceus’ chest.  The fur there was thick and long, and the moment he felt Fjord’s fingers thread into it, Caduceus sighed.  It <em> did </em> feel nice, better than a brush.  Fjord’s long claws were able to drag down, like a comb but so much more <em> intimate </em> and careful<em>, </em>and Caduceus delighted in the way the rest of his fur stood on end as he focused in on the sensation.</p><p>“Didn’t realize you had such thick fur here,” Fjord hummed, letting his hand drift as it followed the trail downward.  “It’s so fine everywhere else.”</p><p>Fjord’s claws traced over his ribs, and into the soft hollow of his belly, and Caduceus felt a primal <em> twinge </em> that he couldn’t quite place - something between the panic of a prey animal and the thrill of knowing with certainty that he could trust Fjord with this vulnerable position.  That Fjord would <em>never</em> hurt him.  He let his hand wander from Fjord’s side, curling around to Fjord’s back so he could pull them closer together, his other hand tracing the scar in the center of Fjord’s chest.  With a huff of breath, Fjord let his head move forward, resting his forehead against Caduceus’.</p><p>“Is this okay?” Caduceus whispered, letting his fingers move softly over the scar.</p><p>“Y-yeah,” Fjord answered.  “Just thinking about… how I have <em> you </em> to thank for that.”</p><p>“I’m sorry I couldn’t do more to heal it,” Caduceus answered, and Fjord chuckled, his breath hot and warm against Caduceus’ lips.</p><p>“Are you kidding?  I’d be <em> dead </em> if you hadn’t done that,” Fjord replied.  “It’s the greatest gift you could ever give me.  I’m grateful to have it.”</p><p>“It wasn’t your time,” Caduceus whispered.  <em> Selfishly</em>.</p><p>“I trust your authority on that,” Fjord whispered back.  Another green, clawed hand came up to Caduceus' chest.  “Do you like having your nipples touched?”</p><p>“Can’t say I’ve tried it,” admitted Caduceus.</p><p>“Oh, well let’s see if it’s your <em> cup of tea </em> then, shall we?”</p><p>The pad of Fjord’s thumb brushed over Caduceus’ fur, searching for a smooth, soft peak.  Caduceus wasn’t sure what to expect, and then suddenly it felt <em> electric, </em>and he gasped, feeling his entire body trying to curl towards the sensation.</p><p>“Red or green?”</p><p>“G-green,” Caduceus stammered.  “A-are they always that sensitive?”</p><p>“Not for everyone,” Fjord explained, letting a claw circle around the edge, helping the fur part a little easier for access.  Caduceus heard a whine, and realized that it was <em> his</em>, curling up into the air along with the tension he felt from the small movement of Fjord’s hand.  “How you doing?”</p><p>“Good, very good,” Caduceus huffed, and Fjord was doing <em> something </em> maddening with each of his hands - gently <em> squeezing </em> his nipple with one and slowly tracing circles into his belly with the other.  Caduceus found himself rolling onto his back, letting his hands drop to his sides as his hips seemed to shift on their own.</p><p>“You need help lower down?” Fjord whispered.</p><p>“J-just a little guidance,” Caduceus breathed.</p><p>Fjord moved closer, pressing his body next to Caduceus while staying on his side.  Pulling his left hand away from teasing Caduceus’ chest, he propped up his own head from the pillow with a cheeky grin.</p><p>“Gotta be more specific than that, Ducey,” he teased, and Caduceus flushed hot, one hand gripping the sheets tightly while the other worked to push the blankets down the remaining few inches to expose his cock fully.</p><p>The sudden exposure to the cool night air on that sensitive area almost took his breath away, but it did nothing to subdue his erection.  It was amazing how hard he was from just a little kissing and touching.  Caduceus could feel it standing <em> proudly</em>, up and away from his body, begging to be touched.  With a quick glance down he saw the bulb at the base had swollen slightly since last time - no where near a full knot, but well on it’s way.  The head was rosy, flushed, and Caduceus found himself once again drifting into that strange place between his mind and his body, the place where he dropped away from himself and just <em> was. </em></p><p>“You know, you’ve got a <em> real </em> pretty cock,” Fjord hummed, his right hand still slowly tracing circles into Caduceus’ fur, and the firbolg could feel his member <em> throb </em> at the recognition, felt precome bead up easily as if it was called for with a spell.  “Like a nice little treasure, all tucked away inside you this whole time... I’m <em> real </em> lucky to be the one who gets to see it.”</p><p>“P-please Fjord,” Caduceus huffed, his hips bucking up into the cold in search of something warmer<em>, </em> softer, <em> closer</em>.  “Your hand…”</p><p>“Easy easy,” soothed Fjord, letting his hand drift down, featherlight touches on Caduceus’ intimate skin that made him want to <em> cry</em>.  “Give me yours, we’ll do this together.”</p><p>Shaky, he untangled the fingers still grasping the sheets, and moved them towards Fjord’s hand, which carefully wrapped itself around Caduceus’ cock.  He could feel his own hand trembling as he came closer, finally resting his palm over Fjord’s strong grip.  His hands were much larger than Fjord’s, and it was quite easy to envelop his grasp.</p><p>“I’m going to start moving,” Fjord said softly.  “Let go of my hand if you need me to stop.”</p><p>Caduceus squeezed Fjord’s hand in assurance, and then let his eyes drift shut, focusing in once more on the places where their bodies touched.  Fjord trailed his hand up to the head, gathering slick in his palm to make the motion easier, before slowly sliding down the length of Caduceus’ shaft.</p><p>With his eyes closed, Caduceus could hear - the heavy panting of his breath, the soft hums of encouragement Fjord made, the beating of both their hearts, the sound of slick skin moving against slick skin -  and <em> feel </em> everything so much stronger than he could before.  The way the muscles of Fjord’s hand moved as they gently stroked together, the way something seemed to be climbing up inside his belly from deep inside him… </p><p>“Fjord…”</p><p>“Caduceus.”  His voice was firm and reassuring, such a stark contrast to the thready breathlessness of Caduceus’ own voice.  “Let go of my hand if you need-”  Caduceus squeezed harder, and Fjord chuckled in response.  “Alright then.”</p><p>He felt Fjord shift, leaning into the long curve of Caduceus’ neck to press a soft kiss to the fluttering pulse he found there.  That pulse was throbbing through every inch of him, the beat of his heart mirrored in his throat, his belly, his cock.  Fjord’s pace picked up, still leisurely and slow, but stroking with a little more purpose, and Caduceus moaned in response.</p><p>“Real pretty,” Fjord whispered right by Caduceus’ ear, the heat of his breath causing the sensitive ears to twitch in response.  “You like being called pretty, Caduceus?”</p><p>“<em>Yes, </em> ” Caduceus sighed, amazed at how still his voice could be when his entire body wanted nothing more than to <em> move</em>.  To move his hips in time with Fjord’s hand, to twist his face to Fjord’s mouth, to press himself into Fjord until they stopped being two separate bodies with separate hearts and started to become one living, breathing thing.  </p><p>They were beautiful together.  Beautiful how they fit together.</p><p>“You were really pretty when you came for me earlier today,” Fjord rumbled, leaning back from Caduceus’ neck.  Caduceus opened his eyes to see Fjord looking down at him, pupils blown wide and framed with the most elegant golden ring.  “Think you could show me that again?”</p><p>The only thing Caduceus could think to do in response was to squeeze Fjord’s hand once more, and Fjord was happy to take that as an agreement.  His pace increased once more, now pumping Caduceus with a speed and pressure that brought his hips up with each stroke.  Fjord was so <em> good </em> at this, so good at touching him it felt like his hands <em> belonged </em> there, and for a moment Caduceus wondered if the Wildmother had made Fjord just for <em> him</em>.  To be with him, here in this moment.  But with a twist of the wrist, Caduceus was falling over the edge again, his body tightening once more as he arched like a drawn bowstring, and with a cry he came, spilling over both of their hands, hot and thick.</p><p>It took a moment for his head to clear, to bring himself back to the world, to the room, to the bed.  But when Caduceus came to he found Fjord, still next to him, carefully cleaning Caduceus’ mess off their hands with his tongue, his eyes closed.  His licks were soft and slow, his tongue drawn out nicely between his tusks as it dragged over gray-white fur and emerald skin.  Caduceus shifted slightly, and Fjord’s eyes turned to him.  They shared a moment of silence, and then the half orc smiled sheepishly, kissing the back of Caduceus’ hand.</p><p><em> No</em>, Caduceus thought.  <em> Fjord was not made for me</em>. </p><p><em>Was </em>I<em> made for </em>Fjord?</p><p>They did not speak, though Caduceus wanted to say so <em> many </em> things.  He respected Fjord’s request not to talk about feelings until this all had passed but… today had finally clarified something in Caduceus’ mind, and he hoped Fjord would understand, once this was over.</p><p>He knew exactly why he had gone into bloom now, this spring, and never before.</p><p>Often his parents had stressed the importance of choosing a companion for a bloom.  If you chose to take a mate, it should be someone you love and trust, but Caduceus had always taken that at the more traditional level.  And for the most part, that had been true.  A <em>compatible</em> mate<em>, </em> that was what had been missing for him.  Someone he <em>wanted</em> to mate with, to feel safe with with.  To <em>love</em>, whatever that meant.  Never before had he gone into bloom because until only recently <em> he had not known Fjord Stone</em>.  But now that he did, there was no doubt: to know Fjord was to love him.</p><p>And Caduceus loved him <em> dearly</em>.</p><p>Once Fjord was sure that Caduceus was clean and comfortable, he quietly excused himself from the bed.  Caduceus could hear his boots hit the floor - <em> oh Mother</em>, Fjord had kept his pants and boots on through all of that.  He felt so <em> guilty</em>, having Fjord pamper him like this only to do nothing for him in return but… Caduceus wasn’t really sure <em> how </em> to return the favor.</p><p>How could he please Fjord when he barely understood his own body?</p><p>“You don’t have to leave, you know,” Caduceus offered, watching as Fjord grabbed his tea-stained shirt from the chair and began to blow out the candles he had lit around the room earlier.  Once he was done, Fjord looked back at him fondly through the darkness.  “You don’t have to sleep on the floor.”</p><p>“Just giving you some space to cool off,” he replied.  “You’ll thank me later, you’re gonna be real sweaty tonight.  I’ll just be on the other side of the wall if you need me, don’t worry.  Go to sleep.”</p><p>With a nod, Caduceus watched Fjord leave, and then lay back onto the bed with a sigh.</p><p>But the thought of sleep was very far from his mind.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Fjord: i don't want to complicate our friendship by trying to sort out feelings during a hormonally unstable time it wouldn't be fair to you</p><p>also fjord: is it gay if i lick the cum off my friend's hand after calling him pretty and helping him jerk off please respond it is urgent</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Caduceus has difficulty finding sleep.  Fjord has difficulty too.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Some quick notes:<br/>canon ace caduceus!!!!!  as a fellow ace i've suspected this for a while, and I was already writing this with the intention of "Cad is a sex-neutral ace unless he is in rut, then he is sex-favorable", so that was nice.  As I've already said I'm projecting to hell and back on Cad, and I have a similar relationship with my sexuality (except the part where i go into rut that does not happen lol), so it felt natural to go into it this chapter given the recent reveal.</p><p>also a heads up fjord uses male-coded words for his genitals. i don't think that will bother anyone but i feel it's always nice to clarify how trans characters will speak of themselves in smut, just in case that could be triggering.</p><p>Updated on November 23rd to reflect aroace caduceus!  this is the last chapter i needed to edit, if i have aro/ace/aroace readers who have feedback for me feel free to let me know.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was hard to find sleep.</p><p>Caduceus knew it could be for any number of reasons.  There was a lot to process right now, and it wasn’t unusual for that to result in a sleepless night.  He had experienced <em> several </em> in the days leading up to this.  Still, he knew he should try - this was only the first day of his bloom, and it could go on for several more.</p><p>But it was hard.</p><p>For one, while the bed was <em> lovely</em>, it was much softer than Caduceus was used to.  At the Xorhaus he often slept on the roof with little more than a blanket and a pillow, when they stayed in an inn he usually ended up on the floor.  Even his bed in Caleb’s tower was a bit firm.  The sensation wasn’t unpleasant, but it was new, and new was <em> a lot </em> right now.  For another, he couldn’t decide if he was too <em> hot </em> or too <em> cold</em>.  Under the blankets he felt sweaty and confined, but without them the air was brisk and chilling on his damp fur.  He rolled over to look at the moonlight streaming into the bedroom through the glass balcony door, wondering if his parents and older siblings were also blooming tonight.  Was the Clay family blossoming, all at once, in the light of the moon?</p><p>Thinking of family reminded him that there were things he could take comfort in during this strange time.  Routines and familiar touchstones that he could fall back to, if he needed something that felt like home.  He sat up, and pulled his pack over, digging through the pockets for his incense and censer.  They didn’t take long to find - the incense was kept in a small pocket, and the ceramic censer was wrapped in cloth and kept in a small wooden box - and Caduceus eased his way out of bed, padding over quietly to the spot on the floor where the moonlight was brightest.  Naked as the day he was born, he felt the lunar glow pass over him, and it felt like stepping into a cool river. He lit some of the incense and set it into one of the holes in the censer, and knelt, placing it on the ground.</p><p>Closing his eyes, Caduceus focused in on the sound of his breathing, the fragrant smoke curling up into the air around him.  Taking in one long draw of breath, he held it for a moment before releasing, letting the tension in his body go with it as he relaxed into that familiar space.</p><p>That space of worship.  The space where he became a part of <em> Her</em>.</p><p>In a way it was like a curtain lifting in the darkness - almost as though his eyes were being opened despite the fact that they stayed closed.  The warm and comforting presence of The Mother was all around him, and he listened carefully for Her in the cold silence of the room.  She was everywhere - in the soft chirps of night birds outside the window, in the cold shiver on his damp skin that made his fur stand on end, in the warm embers of the fire Fjord slept by in the next room - and She was easy to find if one knew where to look.</p><p>Time became meaningless, drifting in and out of this world and another.  Perhaps he sat there for a minute, perhaps an hour - meditation was like that.  In truth he had been in this place several times today, and though this approach to it felt very <em> different </em> than the way he had come before it still felt welcoming and safe and holy.</p><p>The door outside was shut, but a soft breeze caressed his face.  She was here, and She was ready to listen to his questions.</p><p>“Is my family doing well tonight?” Caduceus asked, his voice barely audible.  He didn’t need to speak loudly, She would always hear him.</p><p>The breeze stirred once more, feeling warm.  Several birds chirped together in a tree outside - a family speaking in the darkness.  Some were further away, but they still called back to their loved ones:<em> I am here, I am here, I am here</em>.</p><p>His family was well, though far apart.  A comforting thought.  He didn’t check on them often, fearing that it would make him miss home even more than he did, but Caduceus felt he could be excused tonight for this moment of weakness.  His thoughts were on his blood, whether he wanted them to be or not.</p><p>What else to ask?  She was often a source of comfort to him in confusing times, and this certainly was a time of confusion.  Perhaps She could ease his concerns.  Perhaps She could help him understand Fjord’s feelings.  He trusted Fjord, he truly did, but he also knew Fjord sometimes put his own needs aside for others for the good of the group.  </p><p>He would feel much better knowing that Fjord was not doing that now.</p><p>The words came easily in the darkness.  “Is Fjord really happy to do this for me?”</p><p>Another warm breath of air, this one tinged with the salty hint of the sea.  It felt like a weight was being lifted that he didn’t know was there - a bob of swelling seas lifting his heart up in his chest.  <em> Yes </em> .  Yes he was happy to do this, and Caduceus was happy to know it.  And She was happy to see it.  <em> Yes. </em></p><p>Still one more question, though Caduceus didn’t know what else to say.  He let himself drift in and out again, alternating between floating in darkness and bringing himself back to the cold moonlit floor.  He tried to think about the way his body had felt when he had been with Fjord in the bed, the way he had felt fuzzy and ill defined, like the two of them would fade into one and lose any sense of “Caduceus” or “Fjord.”  It had been strange but exhilarating.</p><p>But he felt so ill-prepared, so inexperienced.  This was all so new, these feelings, these urges, and yet at the same time it felt very much <em>familiar</em>, like he had always known he was capable of this and had simply been <em>waiting </em>- for what he did not know.  And if he was being honest, Caduceus wasn’t certain anymore what would happen <em>after</em> the bloom was finished.  Would these feelings pass?  Would he still feel this way with Fjord, or was it just like Fjord said?  Was his body telling him lies, making him want things he wouldn’t want otherwise?  Fjord seemed so <em>certain</em> that this happened, he couldn’t help but think that it had been something the half orc had experienced himself, but Caduceus never remembered any warnings about this from his parents.  The bloom was a time of self expression, self exploration, self discovery, but not a time of lies and confusion.  He dearly wished he could speak with his father.</p><p>He dearly wished he could speak with his <em>heart</em>.</p><p>Love had always been easy, he had so much of it to give.  It was the force of good that he believed most in, the transformative power that changed people, made them better than they were.  But he knew there were types of love he didn't know, maybe wouldn't ever know, and that was okay.  But did that make <em>his</em> love less?</p><p>“Fjord has warned me that things might feel different when this is over,” Caduceus started, his voice hushed and soft.  “I just want to know… when the bloom has passed, will I still care for him?  Still… <em> love </em> him?”</p><p>The answer this time was not as clear or immediate.  No warm breath of air came to assure him, no buoyant feeling in his heart, and Caduceus was worried - did this mean it <em> would </em> change something between him and Fjord?  How could that be?  He <em> cared </em> about Fjord, he had always cared about Fjord, and he loved him in a way he had never <em> loved </em> anyone else.  How could <em> that </em> change?  He didn’t want that, he wanted to be happy with Fjord… wasn’t this the thing She had been pointing him to this whole time?  A companion?  A <em>confidant</em>?  Heart beating wildly, he opened his eyes in a panic, and his gaze fell on a bird sitting out on the balcony.</p><p>In a rush, Caduceus stood and moved to the door, undoing the latch and letting in the cool night air.  The little bluebird hopped in place on the railing, puffing out its feathers, and as Caduceus drew closer he realized it was holding something in its tiny beak.  Cupping his hands, he held them out and the bird carefully dropped a single flower bud into his palm.  An apple blossom, from the look of it, small and pale pink - perhaps from the tree in the garden.  Caduceus stared at the closed petals, trying to determine their meaning, when he felt at last the warm wind of assurance caress him.  <em> Mother… </em> She brought calm on the wind, and Caduceus took that as a sign that She had more to say.  Taking a deep breath, he took in the stillness of the night as all the birds fell silent, the comforting smell of roses from the garden below, the way the wind felt soft like his own mother’s fur, and he closed his eyes once more.</p><p><em> My Clay… </em> Her voice came softly to him in the darkness, wrapping around him in an embrace.  <em> You may blossom just once a year, but that does not mean your love dies after spring.  A plant is not criticized for how brief it flowers.  Things may change between you and the young paladin… but you </em> will <em> still care for him.  As I do for both of you. </em></p><p>With that, Caduceus glanced down at the flower in his hand, and found that the petals had unfurled, fully blossoming the small pink flower in his hand.</p><p>“I think… I understand,” Caduceus answered, and he found himself smiling.</p><p>The bluebird on the balcony chirped in reply, and then flew away into the night.</p><p>Moving back inside, Caduceus carefully closed the glass door, trying his hardest not to make a sound, and made his way back to the bed, still holding the delicate flower in his palm.  He understood now.  This experience with his body was temporary, but beautiful, like a flower.  That was why it was a <em> bloom </em>.  He blossomed, briefly, and then returned to the earth, only to sprout once more another year.  But a plant with no flowers was still <em>alive,</em> and he would still love when these new feelings faded.  And if he was willing, if he tended his garden with care and love all year, it would bear fruit when it was done - it was up to him to decide what that meant.</p><p>Carefully letting the blossom fall onto the nightstand, Caduceus pulled back the covers on the too-soft bed and prepared to climb in once more.  But another sound, almost a whisper, cut through the darkness and caught his sensitive ear.</p><p>A hitch of breath, barely audible, coming from the next room.</p><p>Caduceus’ heart was still beating frantically off the thrill of being touched by the Wildmother, and this sound only made those thudding beats in his chest seem louder.  He slowly padded his way to the curtain separating his room from Fjord’s.  Was that sound Fjord?  Was Fjord <em> awake </em>?  Another small gasp.  It seemed he was.  The sounds weren’t pained or panicked, but they seemed restrained and hesitant.  Caduceus was worried something was wrong.  His vision in the dark wasn’t great, but he peeked his head through the doorway, towards the fireplace where Fjord had made his bed.</p><p>The dying embers of the fire lit the space in a low orange glow, and Caduceus could see Fjord laid out on the blankets - still shirtless, the green of his skin looking brown in the orange haze, and without the trousers and boots he had left Caduceus’ bed with.  His head was thrown back, hair untied from it’s small bun, one hand covering his mouth to muffle those gentle gasps, the other down his smallclothes, his wrist quickly jerking in motions Caduceus had recently become familiar with.</p><p><em> Ah</em>.</p><p>Immediately, Caduceus wasn’t sure if he should turn and head back to bed.  Fjord was clearly enjoying an intimate moment, and Caduceus did not know if he would appreciate having an audience for that.  But there was something nice in seeing Fjord so <em> exposed</em>, so relaxed and comfortable.  Still, it was rude to stare.  Resolving himself to sleep, he turned, slowly pulling his gaze away, when he was stopped short with another soft gasp.</p><p>“<em> …Duces…</em>”</p><p>“Yes?” Caduceus answered, turning his head back to the voice with joy at the hope that he was being called back, and he saw Fjord's head shot up in the darkness.</p><p>It felt like a thousand heart beats passed in a single second as he looked at Fjord, and Fjord at him, and Caduceus realized a moment too late that Fjord had not <em> known </em> that Caduceus was there.  The utterance of his name had not been <em> for </em> him.</p><p>Fjord had been talking <em> about </em>him.</p><p>“Oh gods,” Fjord said, hurriedly removing his hands and adjusting his smalls.  “Oh gods I’m so <em> sorry </em> Caduceus!”</p><p>“Why are you sorry?” Caduceus asked, genuinely confused.  “You didn’t realize I was here, I shouldn’t have intruded.”</p><p>Fjord didn’t seem to hear a word he was saying.  “I was…. I didn’t think you were still <em> awake </em> I…”</p><p>Caduceus cocked his head.</p><p>“Would you <em> not </em> be pleasuring yourself if you knew I was?”</p><p>“N-no!” Fjord stammered, pulling one of the blankets over himself to cover his legs.  “No I- I’m sorry I-“</p><p>Caduceus walked towards Fjord, hands out carefully as if he was calming a spooked deer before he realized that he was <em> still </em> nude.  Dropping his hands to cover himself, not out of shame but to ease Fjord’s panic, he cleared his throat.  “Fjord you haven’t done anything wrong,” he said softly.  “I would be a terrible hypocrite if I was going to chide you for something like that, given why we’re here.”</p><p>He drew closer, and he could see Fjord’s panicked expression illuminated by the fire, slowly calming as he caught his breath and worked his head around what was happening.  Eyes darting between Caduceus’ face and his hands.</p><p>“We’re not here for <em> me</em>,” Fjord answered.</p><p>“No, but we <em> are </em> here because sometimes bodies make demands of us that we need to answer,” Caduceus replied, kneeling beside Fjord’s bedroll.  “I’ve been spent twice today, why shouldn’t you?”</p><p>“I-it’s not fair of me,” Fjord said, his voice still unsteady.  “It’s not fair of me to put you in a place where you feel like… like you owe me something.”</p><p>Caduceus felt his ears perk up.</p><p>“What exactly would I <em> owe </em> you?”  Fjord didn’t have an answer, but Caduceus saw the way he was pointedly looking away from him, unwilling to make eye contact.  “What is it that you want?”</p><p>“This wasn’t supposed to be about what <em> I </em> want.”</p><p>“Fjord…. It is okay to <em> want </em> things,” Caduceus assured him.  “You don’t have to pretend I am naive, I understand this is a natural urge.  You’ve been very helpful to me, and I’d like to be helpful to you.  But you have to tell me <em> what </em> it is you want - I am not experienced enough to know how to help.”</p><p>Fjord finally looked at him, his gold eyes glinting in the darkness.</p><p>“I just feel… I feel like asking you to do this is… selfish,” Fjord sighed.  “You’re going through this whole new experience and I’m… I’m only thinking about how it makes me feel.”</p><p>“And how does it make you feel?”</p><p>His facial expression was one of frustration, sadness, and wanting.</p><p>“...<em> guilty </em>.  I feel guilty.”</p><p>Caduceus moved a hand from his lap to cup Fjord’s cheek.  He was relieved to find Fjord leaned <em> into </em> it.</p><p>“Fjord… you have nothing to feel guilty for,” Caduceus assured him.  “If anything I would be grateful to give you back a portion of the comfort you’ve given me today.”</p><p>“That’s what I don’t want,” Fjord insisted.  “I don’t want you to think I offered to be here just so you’d… I <em> really do </em> just want to help you.”</p><p>“Then what if I were to say <em> I </em>wanted it,” Caduceus answered, his voice still soft.  “Not for you.  For me.”</p><p>Fjord frowned.  “I don’t understand.”</p><p>“I want you to be <em> happy</em>, Fjord,” Caduceus continued.  “What you’re doing for me makes me <em> happy</em>, and I want to do the same for you.”</p><p>“I don’t -”</p><p>“Not the <em> sexual</em>, you <em> being </em> here, supporting me,” Caduceus assured him.  “<em>That </em> makes me happy.  I would be just as happy to have you here in that capacity alone.  But if you are willing to help my body in it’s sexual desires, then I would want to do the same for you.  Not because I am <em>indebted</em> to you but because I <em> care </em> about you, and it’s clear that you are wanting something <em> more</em>.  This is not a transaction where we give and take from each other, this is a <em>partnership.</em>  One where our wants may not be equal, but they're still important, and worthy of respect.”</p><p>At that Fjord seemed speechless.  His lips were parted as though he meant to speak, but the words didn’t come.  For a moment Caduceus saw his tongue attempt to wet his lips, emerging between his tusks briefly before disappearing once more.</p><p>“I cannot promise you that my body will always feel this way,” Caduceus continued.  “In truth I feel when the bloom has passed and my biology stops compelling me to mate my interest in sex will go back to what it was.  But for <em> now </em> I am open to it.  So... <em> let’s just enjoy this for what it is</em>.”</p><p>“...And what <em> is </em> this?” Fjord replied, leaning into Caduceus’ face, his breath soft and warm.</p><p>“As you said, it is a <em> moment</em>,” Caduceus answered easily.  “A moment where I want <em> you </em> to feel <em> safe</em>, and <em> cared for</em>, and <em> good</em>.  If you will allow me.”</p><p>Fjord almost forgot to speak before leaning in the rest of the way to kiss him, pressing a hasty, breathy “<em>yes </em>” into Caduceus’ lips.</p><p>Kissing felt different in darkness.  Fjord’s movements seemed much quicker, much more urgent than they had before.  His breath seemed warmer, faster.  Caduceus marveled at the way Fjord’s entire being seemed to put itself into each kiss, making him rise to his knees, his body curling forward to meet Caduceus’.  His lips, his tusks, his <em> tongue</em>, that was new.  Caduceus leaned into it, chasing each kiss with a gentle hum and push forward, easing Fjord down back to his bedroll so he did not have to strain.  Moving his hand from Fjord’s cheek to his chest, Caduceus pushed to encourage Fjord to lay down.  </p><p>For a second, Fjord pulled away, a string of spittle briefly connecting their lips.  Caduceus met Fjord’s eyes with gentle reassurance.  This was not a push <em> away</em>, it was a push <em> in</em>.  Fjord lay back, and Caduceus allowed himself to move onto the bedroll next to him, placing one arm on the other side of Fjord to support him while he leaned over.</p><p>“I have a general idea about what feels good for me,” Caduceus said, letting his other hand softly drag over Fjord’s chest.  “But I’m even less experienced with your anatomy than mine.  What feels good to you, Fjord?”</p><p>“Anything,” he panted.  “Everything.”</p><p>“That’s not true and you know it,” Caduceus replied, bending forward to put a soft kiss on Fjord’s cheek.  “What were you doing when I interrupted you?”</p><p>“I-I was…” he struggled to remember, he seemed overwhelmed by what was happening.  “I was… stroking my... cock.”</p><p>“Is that something you would like me to do?”</p><p>Fjord nodded, and then answered to confirm it.  “<em>Green</em>.”</p><p>“Excellent,” Caduceus said with a smile.  “Let’s find a good position then.”</p><p>He took a moment to grab a few of the pillows Fjord had placed around, and propped them up in a way that the both of them could lay against them, sitting up but comfortable.  Then Caduceus moved himself to lie next to Fjord, letting their hips touch as he carefully put one arm under Fjord, and moved his other hand down Fjord’s soft belly to the dark curl of hair at his navel.</p><p>He stopped just above Fjord’s smallclothes, hesitant.</p><p>“Just… touch it like I touch yours,” Fjord whispered.  “It’s not as <em> big </em>, but it still likes to be stroked.”</p><p>Caduceus responded with a kiss to Fjord’s temple, and slipped his hand under the hem of the garment.</p><p>He had seen Fjord naked, knew about where to move his hand.  He let his fingers trail through the thick bush of hair, enjoying the sensation as he sought out the swollen bud that stood out between his folds.  A finger brushed the head, and Fjord gasped.</p><p>“Is that good?” Caduceus asked.  Fjord nodded frantically in response before letting his head fall back against the pillows.</p><p>Fjord’s cock was hard, large enough to slot nicely between Caduceus’ finger and thumb, and it felt hot and slick to the touch.  Curling around it, Caduceus gently stroked, a smooth and fluid motion as Fjord had done for him.  He didn’t have to move as much, Fjord’s cock was no where near as large as his, but he found the general rhythm quickly.</p><p>Fjord made a sound somewhere in the intersection of a moan, a hiccup, and a sob.</p><p>“Already very worked up I see,” Caduceus hummed, feeling the way Fjord’s smalls and thighs were already wet and sticky as he moved.  “How long were you at it before I came in?”</p><p>“A-a f-few minutes,” Fjord stuttered, his eyes closed tight.  “T-thought you were asleep.”</p><p>“Is that why you said my name then?” Caduceus continued, his strokes careful and uniform.  “Because you thought I would not hear it?”</p><p>“... Y-yes.”</p><p>“I invited you to stay in bed with me, Fjord,” Caduceus assured him, pressing their foreheads together.  “I <em> wanted </em> you to stay.”</p><p>“I-I wanted to,” Fjord admitted, breaths coming quick.  “I wanted to so <em> badly </em> but… I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.”</p><p>“Well I’m very comfortable now,” Caduceus answered, taking in the wet sound of his fingers moving against Fjord’s skin.  “Are you comfortable, Fjord?”</p><p>“<em>Yes</em>,” Fjord gasped, his hips bucking with Caduceus’ strokes.  “C-can I touch you?”</p><p>Caduceus glanced down at his own cock, which was half-hard without him even realizing it.  He kissed Fjord’s temple once more.  “If you would like.”</p><p>A shaky hand reached out and grasped Caduceus’ member, stroking tentatively.  It was a different feeling than the confident strokes Fjord had shown him earlier, but they still felt pleasant.  Caduceus marveled how lovely being <em> touched </em> was, how Fjord’s warm green looked beside the soft mottled pink of his intimate skin.  Like a delicate bloom against vibrant foliage.</p><p>“Can you go <em> lower</em>?” Fjord breathed, his voice soft but wanting.</p><p>“You’ll have to explain what you want,” Caduceus replied.  “But yes, I’m happy to.”</p><p>“J-just… there’s an opening, a little ways down from there,” Fjord explained.  “Would like a finger or two in there, if you can manage.”</p><p>Releasing Fjord’s cock, Caduceus moved his hand lower, dipping down to find the place he described.  It was warm, incredibly wet, and <em> soft</em>, and Caduceus moved carefully as he tested out the area with a finger, slowly pushing deeper into the silky, wet sensation.  Fjord’s hips bucked up.</p><p>“<em>Gods </em> your fingers are big,” Fjord choked out a laugh.</p><p>“Is that bad?” Caduceus replied.</p><p>“Not good or bad,” Fjord admitted.  “Just… a lot.  C-can you do a little…” He released Caduceus’ cock for a moment and made a gentle motion with his fingers that Caduceus recognized, like the gesture one would make when calling someone closer.  He imitated it, and felt Fjord’s entire body shudder under him.  “... <em> yeah </em> that’s it.”</p><p>They both fell silent for a time, Caduceus exploring the sensation surrounding his finger as he pushed in and out of Fjord’s folds, occasionally curling in the way he had been instructed.  Fjord returned his hand to Caduceus’ cock, which was almost completely hard now, and continued to stroke.  Caduceus delighted in the sounds they both made, both above (soft gasps, heaving panting breaths) and below (wet strokes, skin against skin), and noticed he could feel that coiling in his belly that was starting to become familiar to him.  </p><p>With a shift of his hand, he did his best to position himself so that his thumb could brush against Fjord’s cock while he fingered him, and that got an entire <em> new </em> sound out of the half orc that he was delighted to hear again.  He quickly brushed again, and Fjord surged forward to lock lips with him, his grip around Caduceus’ member tight and warm.</p><p>Suddenly they were both moving in a frenzy, stroking and kissing each other as though it was the reason they had been put on this earth.  The reason <em> She </em> had made them.  Fjord’s tongue was in Caduceus’ mouth, and <em> that </em> was a sensation, and his tusks were catching on Caduceus’ bottom lip as their mouths moved.  Caduceus could feel himself edging closer to the climax he had now come to expect, belly tight and warm, when he felt Fjord <em> shudder, </em> and the pressure and warmth around the finger he had inside him increased, pulling him closer.  He chased after that sensation, the feeling of Fjord’s body <em> holding </em> him in, and got another shudder in response.</p><p>“Close,” Fjord gasped out against Caduceus’ mouth before immediately being enveloped again in a kiss.  His strokes on Caduceus’ cock grew quicker, more frantic, and Caduceus responded in kind with a stuttering hip thrust of his own.</p><p>With care, Caduceus pressed another finger into Fjord, thumb still grinding softly against his cock, and he felt Fjord’s orgasm come in a warm wave of shudders and gasps, soaking Caduceus’ hand and the fabric of his smalls.  Another shudder, this one more intense, and Caduceus stilled as Fjord’s grip grew tight around him and he turned his head away.</p><p>“T-that’s good,” Fjord moaned.  “I’m good.  Let me finish you.”</p><p>Slowly removing his fingers, Caduceus saw Fjord’s belly relax, and Fjord’s strokes on his cock gained purpose.  It did not take long for Caduceus to release, his cum spurting hot and thick over his belly and Fjord’s hand once more.</p><p>Collapsing back against the pillows, they breathed heavily together in the darkness.</p><p>Caduceus took a moment to enjoy the buzzing sensation in his whole body, the thrum of being sated and spent that was not too different from the way magic pulsed through him, before he realized that his hand was still wet from Fjord’s release.  Sitting up, he pulled his hand to his lips and did what he had seen Fjord do - extending his tongue, he lapped up Fjord’s spend from his fingers and palm.</p><p>It tasted… odd.  Not pleasant, but not terrible.  It wasn’t as thick as his own, and it had a salty-sweet taste that Caduceus couldn’t quite place.</p><p>“<em>Fuck.</em>”</p><p>He glanced down at Fjord’ whose golden eyes were <em> locked </em> on him, mouth slack in an awed expression.</p><p>“You know you don’t have to do <em> that</em>,” Fjord said slowly.</p><p>“You did it,” Caduceus answered, licking the last of it from his fingers.  “I wanted to try.  It’s interesting, I can see why people do it.”</p><p>Fjord’s face turned ruddy with blush once more.</p><p>“T-that was…” he was at a loss for what to say.  “That’s an… <em> orc </em> thing.”  He didn’t seem to want to elaborate beyond that.</p><p>“Well I’ve heard what happens in Jester’s books,” Caduceus laughed, nestling down into a more comfortable position.  “I don’t think it’s exclusive to orcs, or anyone for that matter.”  He looked at Fjord once more, who seemed more embarrassed than ever.  “Did I do something wrong?”</p><p>“N-no,” Fjord answered.  “I just wasn’t… expecting it.”</p><p>He glanced down, and Caduceus leaned over to give him another kiss, chaste and sweet on the temple.  He couldn’t help but notice a soft rumbling coming from Fjord’s chest, though he knew better than to draw attention to it - the half orc was bashful enough already without mentioning that he was <em> purring</em>.</p><p>Fjord grabbed his tea-stained shirt from earlier and used it to clean the mess off his hand and Caduceus’ belly.  When that was done, he lay down on his back, staring at the ceiling.  Caduceus rolled over to give Fjord a kiss on the cheek, soft as a butterfly landing.</p><p>“Stay with me?” Caduceus asked.</p><p>“On the floor?” Fjord replied with a chuckle.</p><p>“Bed’s too soft,” Caduceus admitted.  “And big.  And my legs are tired.  We’ll sleep in it tomorrow.”</p><p>“<em>We? </em>”</p><p>“I assume we can continue <em> this </em> tomorrow,” Caduceus answered.  “If that is alright with you?”</p><p>Fjord nodded, then smiled.  "I'd be happy to join you."</p><p>“That’s all I could ask for, Fjord.”</p><p>Curling up with his head next to Fjord’s, Caduceus felt that same warm wash of comfort and safety he knew was tied to the Wildmother’s approval.  He watched the half-orc’s face as he slowly drifted off, eyes closing, expression going soft and calm in that warmth as the soft rumbles of his chest continued in the darkness.  Caduceus felt his heart flutter once more.</p><p>His affection for Fjord was undeniable, but Her assurance made it feel even stronger.  He did not know what fruit this would bear when the blossoming had finished, but he knew that it would be sweet and fulfilling in whatever form it took.</p><p>He let himself drift off in the warmth and scent of <em> Fjord </em>.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>dear fjorclay discord: i know i said fjord wouldn't give cad another handjob in this chapter but look.  Cad gave FJORD a handjob this time (the slow escalation is intentional but it will ramp up soon i promise lol).</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>After their first night together, Caduceus and Fjord have a conversation about the things Fjord has been afraid of saying.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>WOOO LOTS OF NOTES</p><p>I went back and edited previous chapters after Taliesin revealed that Caduceus is aromantic in addition to asexual.  While that was NOT my intent when I started this fic, it was important to me to respect that element of his character.  Fortunately the way I write Cad is already a little aromantic (as I learned from my research), so the edits were mostly small.  If you don't want to go back and reread old chapters, here is a summary of the changes:</p><p>-Caduceus is aromantic and asexual, and this is known by all members of the mighty nein.  He is aesthetically attracted to Fjord, and his hormones have translated that into choosing Fjord as a "compatible mate".<br/>-Fjord's insistence that they can remain 'just friends' has put more emphasis on his understanding that Caduceus' feelings during the bloom are out of the norm for him, and that Fjord understands Caduceus feels no romantic attraction to him.  That will bleed into this chapter.<br/>-there has been more reflection on the idea of what "love" means, as Caduceus struggles with the knowledge that he does LOVE Fjord, but not in the same way that Fjord may love him, and that is okay.</p><p>I hope if I have aromantic followers you can let me know if I'm stepping out of line at any point!  I honestly still wanted to continue to explore this story, and now with this new lens to look at it through I'm learning a lot, but I can always learn more.  Sexuality, attraction, and love are all very complicated, multi-faceted things, and I look forward to exploring that in the rest of this fic.  This chapter is another short transitional piece that is trying to marry the fic I WAS writing with the new direction I will be taking it now that I see that a romantic relationship is not where this is heading.  I hope that comes across okay, and you all continue to enjoy this fic!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>When Caduceus awoke, Fjord’s head was tucked neatly into the hollow of his throat.  The half orc was sleeping peacefully, his gentle huffs of breath ghosting across Caduceus’ pulse, his body curled into the long and gangly shape of the firbolg’s form as if they were interlocking pieces of a puzzle.  It felt very natural, the way his form curled to fit the smaller man - their legs tangled together, their arms tucked against one another.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This felt like </span>
  <em>
    <span>home</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Firbolg families were close knit groups, and cuddling in large numbers for comfort and warmth was very common.  It wasn’t unusual for a family to sleep together when it was cold or a member of the family needed comfort.  He had often spent nights curled up with his siblings - Colton and Calliope wrapped around him, Clarabelle laying on his chest, their parents bracketing them on either side.  Caduceus had been surprised how much he had </span>
  <em>
    <span>missed</span>
  </em>
  <span> it, the closeness of someone you loved, sleeping beside you.   </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now that he was no longer </span>
  <em>
    <span>alone</span>
  </em>
  <span> it hadn’t taken long to realize how </span>
  <em>
    <span>starved</span>
  </em>
  <span> he was for touch.  He longed for it, to hold hands, to have a shoulder to lean on, to feel a warm body near him, and over the time they had been together the Nein had reached a point of comfort that cuddles were something he now had in no short supply.  If he wanted to be held, there were many arms waiting for him, happy to embrace him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But </span>
  <em>
    <span>this…</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Fjord’s breaths were so warm on his fur, and Caduceus could still hear the dull rumble of content in his chest.  He had shared a bed with Fjord, and others in the Nein before, but not like </span>
  <em>
    <span>this</span>
  </em>
  <span>.  Not naked and vulnerable and tangled together, not curling into the warmth of touch uninvited.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nudity was of course more taboo with other races in Exandria, but among firbolgs it was normal.  There was no shame in being as She made you, and with internal reproductive organs there was little to be uncomfortable about.  During a bloom they would isolate, give the privacy that the event required, but otherwise it was fairly normal to be </span>
  <em>
    <span>together</span>
  </em>
  <span>, sleeping together as She made them.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But he knew not everyone was comfortable with that, that for most in this world this degree of intimacy was reserved for </span>
  <em>
    <span>romantic</span>
  </em>
  <span> partners alone.  He couldn’t understand why you would limit your access to this feeling, to only allow yourself that comfort from </span>
  <em>
    <span>one</span>
  </em>
  <span>.  Curling up in his sibling’s fur, feeling his father’s warmth and his mother’s soft touch...  He felt it mirrored in the way Fjord’s skin, his breath, his smell surrounded him.  This was so much closer to the </span>
  <em>
    <span>primal</span>
  </em>
  <span> urge, the natural desire to </span>
  <em>
    <span>touch</span>
  </em>
  <span> and be </span>
  <em>
    <span>touched</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caduceus stirred slightly, moving his head to rest his chin on top of Fjord’s hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And yet it was different.  It was </span>
  <em>
    <span>very</span>
  </em>
  <span> different, because of how they came to be like this.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Taking a deep breath, Caduceus breathed in the smell of Fjord - the smell of salt and leather and old wood, and a hint of something more primal, (more </span>
  <em>
    <span>orcish?</span>
  </em>
  <span>), that Caduceus couldn’t quite place.  All the Nein had smells of their own: Caleb like ash and cat dander, Jester like sugar and paint.  Veth smelled of alcohol and black powder, Beau of sweat and ink, and Yasha of flowers and ozone.  All special, all wonderful, but Fjord’s smell… That smell of the sea, of his armor, of the Mother’s embrace around him...  A lovely smell, a perfect smell, and yet… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fjord still smelled like </span>
  <em>
    <span>Fjord</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When doing this type of close cuddling with another firbolg, their smells would mix and mingle, becoming something new and special, but… He suspected it was Fjord’s lack of fur.  The short hairs of his kind were good at capturing smells close to the body, and Fjord, though he had plenty of hair, had nowhere near enough to retain Caduceus’ smell.  And something in Caduceus’ blood seemed to </span>
  <em>
    <span>boil</span>
  </em>
  <span> at that thought, at the knowledge that when Fjord left this bed he would smell like </span>
  <em>
    <span>only Fjord</span>
  </em>
  <span>.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Like they were still two </span>
  <em>
    <span>separate</span>
  </em>
  <span> beings.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Without thinking, he rubbed his cheek into Fjord’s hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The drag of his fur against Fjord’s head set off little </span>
  <em>
    <span>sparks</span>
  </em>
  <span> inside him.  </span>
  <em>
    <span>Yes</span>
  </em>
  <span>, this was the right thing to do.  This was the thing he needed.  He wrapped his arms around Fjord and pulled him closer, burying his face into Fjord’s salt and pepper hair, breathing deep as Fjord’s smell and his smell started to become blurry, the way his body felt blurry in the hazy moments of blooming.  With a quiet sigh, he brushed his cheek against Fjord’s scalp again and </span>
  <em>
    <span>again</span>
  </em>
  <span> and…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You alright there Ducey?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fjord’s voice was soft and kind, still heavy with sleep and gentle in tone, but it snapped Caduceus out of the daze he had been in, suddenly aware of how close he had pulled Fjord, how warm he felt under the skin, how lost in the moment he had become.  He froze, unsure whether to pull away or stay still with Fjord still in his arms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to be embarrassed,” Fjord assured him.  “Worse things to wake up to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I… I don’t know what came over me,” Caduceus admitted, and Fjord chuckled, the warm rumble of his laughter shaking them both.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean you’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>musking</span>
  </em>
  <span>, right?” Fjord answered.  “Isn’t this a part of that?  Trying to make your mate smell like </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A realization passed over Caduceus as he heard those words, equal parts familiar and foreign, and he nodded.  “I… I suppose that </span>
  <em>
    <span>is</span>
  </em>
  <span> what I was doing,” he said quietly.  He </span>
  <em>
    <span>did</span>
  </em>
  <span> know this, he knew sharing their scents as a form of intimacy was something his kind did… but it had happened so </span>
  <em>
    <span>quickly</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he hadn’t even </span>
  <em>
    <span>realized</span>
  </em>
  <span> he was doing it.  “Forgive me, I lost myself for a minute there, I should have asked first.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine,” Fjord soothed, pulling away slowly so they could see each other’s faces.  “Sometimes instinct overrides sense.  You feel okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A little warm,” answered Caduceus.  “I really am very sorry, I don’t expect you to be my </span>
  <em>
    <span>mate</span>
  </em>
  <span> or anything like that, it just felt like… I </span>
  <em>
    <span>had</span>
  </em>
  <span> to do it, for a moment.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Duces I </span>
  <em>
    <span>know</span>
  </em>
  <span> that,” Fjord replied, his face soft with a sleepy smile.  “I told you, sometimes the hormones make stupid things happen.  When I’m in it I get so territorial that I try to fight anyone who gets within eyeline of me or my partner.  And that </span>
  <em>
    <span>includes</span>
  </em>
  <span> friends, coworkers, </span>
  <em>
    <span>and</span>
  </em>
  <span> seagulls.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caduceus laughed at that, and Fjord scooted up the pillow a bit so the two of them could be at eye level.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Listen…. Last night when I was talking about waiting to tell me how you feel, </span>
  <em>
    <span>this</span>
  </em>
  <span> is what I was talking about,” he said quietly.  “I know you’ve never really been interested in dating or sex, and I know this is all new and weird for you.  So when I say to </span>
  <em>
    <span>wait</span>
  </em>
  <span> what I’m saying is… not that your feelings aren’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>real</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but that they might be </span>
  <em>
    <span>temporary</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And that’s okay,” Fjord finished.  “It’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>okay</span>
  </em>
  <span> if they are temporary.  What you feel now doesn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>have</span>
  </em>
  <span> to be forever.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I asked the Wildmother if they were last night,” Caduceus admitted.  “Temporary, I mean.  She told me it’s a bloom </span>
  <em>
    <span>because</span>
  </em>
  <span> it is brief, like a flower.  Beautiful </span>
  <em>
    <span>and</span>
  </em>
  <span> temporary.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s nice,” Fjord agreed.  “Is that all firbolgs or just you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just me, I think,” Caduceus answered.  “I think others may have these sorts of urges more frequently than </span>
  <em>
    <span>once</span>
  </em>
  <span> a year.  The bloom is just an acceleration of those feelings, to maximize the chances of a spring conception.  But for </span>
  <em>
    <span>me…</span>
  </em>
  <span> I do think it will fade, in time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You ask the Mother anything else?” Fjord asked, his golden eyes soft.  “I know you get three questions.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I asked Her how my family is,” Caduceus confirmed.  “And... I asked Her if you really were comfortable with this arrangement.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fjord grinned.  “I </span>
  <em>
    <span>told</span>
  </em>
  <span> you I was,” Fjord chuckled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, but I was still concerned that you were humoring me,” Caduceus admitted, closing his eyes.  “I know better now.  You really </span>
  <em>
    <span>do</span>
  </em>
  <span> want to do this, to help me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean it’s not </span>
  <em>
    <span>all</span>
  </em>
  <span> altruistic,” Fjord laughed.  “You’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>definitely</span>
  </em>
  <span> my type.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At that, Caduceus was caught off guard.  He opened his eyes to glance at Fjord.  “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh</span>
  </em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fjord rolled over and sat up, running his fingers through his messy bedhead.  “Yeah, I like… guys that are </span>
  <em>
    <span>taller</span>
  </em>
  <span> than me,” he said sheepishly.  “Like </span>
  <em>
    <span>way</span>
  </em>
  <span> taller than me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caduceus laughed as he sat up too, towering a whole head over Fjord.  They both smiled.  “I see, I do fit that qualifier.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m just saying it’s not some great sacrifice on my part to be here,” Fjord teased, reaching out to take Caduceus’ hand.  “ I didn’t want to admit it because it felt selfish to say, but... I </span>
  <em>
    <span>do</span>
  </em>
  <span> get something from this too.” He cleared his throat, and squeezed Caduceus’ hand.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought as much,” soothed Caduceus.  “Do you want to tell me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fjord nodded.  “When I heard you were going through a </span>
  <em>
    <span>cycle</span>
  </em>
  <span> I… I thought of all the times I </span>
  <em>
    <span>thought</span>
  </em>
  <span> I was in love, and how horrible it felt to come back to reality,” explained Fjord.  “The desperate desire to be </span>
  <em>
    <span>wanted</span>
  </em>
  <span> by someone, only to realize the arms you fell into were…” he trailed off, and Caduceus got a sense that Fjord was thinking about someone specific - Avantika?  Sabien?  Some other flame from days long past?  “Less than ideal.  And I didn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>want</span>
  </em>
  <span> that for you.  I wanted to know the person you were with would respect you as you are, no matter what happened.  And… I thought </span>
  <em>
    <span>I</span>
  </em>
  <span> could do that, because I </span>
  <em>
    <span>care</span>
  </em>
  <span> about you.”</span>
</p><p><span>“I understand,” Caduceus answered softly, squeezing Fjord’s hand back.  “I care about you too, Fjord.  Perhaps not in the </span><em><span>same</span></em> <em><span>way</span></em><span>, but… with the same strength and affection.”</span></p><p><span>“But I knew what I really felt and… I knew that I had feelings you wouldn’t be able to return when this was over… I felt so </span><em><span>horrible</span></em><span>, that you would think I offered to do this as a way to… get what </span><em><span>I </span></em><span>wanted,” he continued.  “And I didn’t want that to happen.  I was so hellbent on not acting like the people who hurt </span><em><span>me, </span></em><span>and</span> <span>I tried to hide that… that I was feeling something too.”</span></p><p>
  <span>“If it is a comfort,” Caduceus replied, “People see sex as this… milestone.  This threshold to prove your affections for others, to demonstrate your </span>
  <em>
    <span>love</span>
  </em>
  <span>, whatever that means.  I’ve never felt like that, I’ve never understood the need.  To me, sex is a biological process, like breathing, eating, sleeping.  If I felt the need, I might do it, but I never did.  And now that I </span>
  <em>
    <span>have</span>
  </em>
  <span> felt some need, I realize...  The intimacy comes from </span>
  <em>
    <span>trust.</span>
  </em>
  <span>  The trust in knowing that who you are is respected, and loved.  And I already </span>
  <em>
    <span>have</span>
  </em>
  <span> that with you, Fjord.  With all the Nein yes, but with </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>...  I have for quite a while.  It’s the same trust I put in the Wildmother, in my family, and in myself.  And that’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>love</span>
  </em>
  <span>, in so many words, though it looks </span>
  <em>
    <span>different</span>
  </em>
  <span> than the love of Jester’s stories.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Honestly her stories have </span>
  <em>
    <span>no</span>
  </em>
  <span> reflection on reality,” Fjord chuckled, and Caduceus smiled in return.</span>
</p><p><span>“My point is… I know you are used to looking at these things through the lens of </span><em><span>romance</span></em><span>,” he continued.  “I can’t give that back.  But I can give back </span><em><span>trust</span></em><span>, and I hope you can see that as its own form of intimacy.  That it’s not something I do lightly or without thought.  This friendship benefits us </span><em><span>both</span></em><span>.”  Caduceus paused, taking a moment to reflect on what they both had said, and then laughed.  “Oh, is this…  I do think that Jester’s books call it ‘friends </span><em><span>with</span></em> <em><span>benefits’</span></em><span>?”</span></p><p>
  <span>Fjord barked out a laugh at that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah Ducey, </span>
  <em>
    <span>that’s</span>
  </em>
  <span> what this is.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Complete nonsense,” Caduceus chuckled.  “Being friends with someone </span>
  <em>
    <span>already</span>
  </em>
  <span> has so many benefits.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They laughed, and Fjord got up to fetch some of the leftover bread while Caduceus moved to stoke the fire and put on another kettle.  As the flames grew, Caduceus felt his heart let go of the last bit of fear and tension he had been holding onto.  He and Fjord finally understood each other now fully.  Understood what </span>
  <em>
    <span>this</span>
  </em>
  <span> was.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And that brought comfort, greater than any comfort he had ever felt before.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>After spending the night together, Caduceus and Fjord both need a bath.  Caduceus also needs to talk about a problem he's been worried about.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>All the previous chapter info applies: Fjord is trans and uses male-coded words for his genitals, Caduceus is Aromantic and Demisexual and experiencing sexual attraction for the first time because of his rut, both of them find each other aesthetically attractive and Fjord has a crush, but they're both aware that a romantic relationship is not in the cards and they're both cool with that.  Minor warnings for Fjord mentioning pregnancy, and a brief touching on Fjord's transition.</p><p>The Hell World outside of the internet got real busy for me, but I'm still typing away at this!  Your comments and enthusiasm keep me strong, thank you all for being so kind.  I feel like this one got a little messy in the editing but we've reached the point where if I don't post it I never will because I will Edit Myself To Death, so forgive me for that.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>After months of travel with the Nein, Caduceus had gotten used to at least </span>
  <em>
    <span>some</span>
  </em>
  <span> of their morning routines.  He knew Beau often got up before the sun rose to exercise, working best in the cold dark air.  He knew Caleb often brought a book with him to breakfast, turning pages between mouthfuls.  He knew Veth sometimes needed a little nip of hard liquor to wake up all the way in the morning, that Jester would stay in bed forever if no one came to get her, that Yasha often woke before anyone but stayed still and quiet until someone else got up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And he knew Fjord’s routine pretty well too.  But it was different watching that routine when they were alone together, when it was just the two of them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After changing into clean smallclothes, Fjord did his stretches, some pushups and squats.  He combed his hair back and tied it off nicely into a high ponytail.  He put oil into his beard, and rubbed dental salve on his still-healing tusks.  He put a spoonful of the powdered potion he took every day into hot water, and drank it.  It was all very normal, but Caduceus appreciated being able to watch Fjord moving about </span>
  <em>
    <span>because</span>
  </em>
  <span> it was normal.  It felt comforting, seeing the half orc go back into the routines he had seen so many times before.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It felt familiar.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Which was nice, because Caduceus’ routine had been </span>
  <em>
    <span>completely</span>
  </em>
  <span> interrupted.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He did his morning prayer, but after that he was at a loss.  There was no breakfast to cook, no dishes to clean, no chores to tend to.  He had been experiencing that more and more since Caleb’s cat butlers had been starting to take over such things, and here it was much the same.  Fjord had taken care of everything; he had brought the food, there were no dishes, and he had cleaned up Caduceus’ messes. But he was so used to having to do that for himself every day for a </span>
  <em>
    <span>decade</span>
  </em>
  <span> that it was strange to have it done </span>
  <em>
    <span>for</span>
  </em>
  <span> him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fjord seemed to catch his frustration as he gathered up the blankets and clothes from yesterday.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You doing okay Duces?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” he sighed, making his way back into the too-soft bed so he could cover his bare legs with the blanket.  He felt exposed, but not it was not related to his nudity.  “I’m just… I’m not used to just… </span>
  <em>
    <span>sitting</span>
  </em>
  <span> here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You sat in that graveyard of yours for ten years,” Fjord pointed out, grabbing Caduceus’ towel from yesterday off the floor by the bed.</span>
</p><p><span>“Yes, but there was always something to </span><em><span>do</span></em><span>,” Caduceus admitted.  “Plants to trim, prayers to offer, things that needed mending… I was never just </span><em><span>sitting</span></em> <em><span>around</span></em><span>.”</span></p><p>
  <span>“Well, you could probably use another bath,” Fjord pointed out, gesturing towards the washroom.  “I’m sure you’re pretty sweaty from sharing a bed with me last night.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Maybe…</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Caduceus sighed, glancing at the window.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What would your siblings do when they got bored during all this?” Fjord asked gently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, well… I imagine they were a little more… into the </span>
  <em>
    <span>urges</span>
  </em>
  <span> of all this,” chuckled Caduceus.  “But mother would come in to check on them and bring them games or snacks… braid their hair, wash their face-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>I</span>
  </em>
  <span> can braid your hair,” Fjord offered earnestly, and Caduceus laughed again.  Fjord frowned, looking offended that Caduceus didn’t seem to believe him.  “I’m not </span>
  <em>
    <span>great</span>
  </em>
  <span> at it, but I’ve got experience.  And we can play cards or something, or talk about things until you’re… ready to do something else, you know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caduceus thought about it, then hummed.  He appreciated Fjord’s dedication to taking this at Caduceus’ speed, but he suspected that today would be a little more… </span>
  <em>
    <span>urgent</span>
  </em>
  <span> than yesterday had been.  Even now he could feel his knot throbbing dully, still not fully swollen but much </span>
  <em>
    <span>larger</span>
  </em>
  <span> than it normally would be, reminding him of the reason they were here.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“While I take a bath, would you be willing to brush my hair out?” Caduceus asked.  “I think we should tie it back today, and I used to like it when my mother brushed my hair.  I think that might be very relaxing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If that’s what you want, sure!” Fjord said with a smile.  “You got a brush?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“In my bag, I’ll fetch it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You do that, I’ll run the bath for you,” Fjord answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Within seconds the sound of the enchanted decanter pouring water into the stone basin filled the apartment, and that was calming in itself.  Like the sound of hot water pouring into a cup of tea.  Caduceus reached for his pack once more and rooted around for his brush.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Every member of the Clay family had a brush, made from an ancestor’s bone and stiff boar bristles.  Caduceus and his siblings all had brushes made from a long-dead great great great uncle’s femur, carefully carved and threaded by another long-dead relative he never knew.  A connection to each other, forged in the quiet self care every firbolg would need to partake in - grooming.  He felt his hand close around the smooth bone handle, and he removed the brush from his pack with care.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You ready?” Fjord’s voice came softly, and Caduceus looked up to see him standing next to the washroom door, holding a washcloth out to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded, handing Fjord the brush as he took the towel, and made his way over to the bath.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Getting in was easy enough, his legs did not feel as weak as they had last time he had used the tub.  Once more the water felt welcoming to him, enveloping him in warmth and comfort as he sank down into the basin.  He leaned against the edge of the tub, letting his long hair fall over the lip, and closed his eyes as he felt the small tug of the brush in Fjord’s hand, slowly brushing out pink tangles with careful strokes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I used to have to brush out the hair of some of the younger kids at the orphanage,” Fjord explained quietly, his movements careful and soft.  “Course their hair wasn’t as nicely kept as yours.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It seems like you had a lot of responsibility back then,” answered Caduceus.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Being orc-blooded makes you look older than you are,” Fjord admitted.  “And older kids tend to get roped into parenting the littler ones when the staff is run thin.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That must have been hard for you,” Caduceus replied, taking the washcloth to his arms and scrubbing his fur carefully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah but it was good too,” Fjord explained.  “Made me seem capable.  Responsible.  And looking older than I was got me out of there sooner.  And getting out let me… really become who I wanted to be, you know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I took care of my sister Carabelle a lot,” Caduceus mused.  “She was a little thing, and firbolgs stay little for a while.  But I can’t imagine taking care of more than one child at a time, I don’t know how Colton and Calliope handled it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His entire body relaxed, focusing in on the sensation of the brush in his hair, on Fjord’s hands carefully teasing each knot loose so that it could be brushed away.  They were clearly very skilled hands, used to dealing with younger, impatient heads.  Caduceus remembered how fussy Clarabelle had been about having her hair brushed.  Fjord was good about anticipating snags and tangles, working them out before the brush could harshly pull on them.  His scalp tingled, and that tingle went down his whole body, making every hair stand on end.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Feel good?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Very,” Caduceus sighed.  “I’ve always enjoyed it when others help with my hair, but you’re very good at it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fjord gave a soft chuckle in response.  “Yeah well I’m not as good at this next part.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The rhythm of Fjord’s strokes lulled Caduceus into a kind of trance, his eyes fluttering shut as his breathing calmed and slowed.  When Fjord’s fingers threaded into his hair to pleat it for braiding, he felt a warm sensation in his gut that felt so very different from all the others he had experienced in this place.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not arousal, not affection, not anything so unfamiliar, but a calm, warm </span>
  <em>
    <span>surrender</span>
  </em>
  <span>.  Trust.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fjord’s fingers were deft, but not entirely skilled.  Caduceus could tell that the braid he was doing would be misshapen, imperfect, but that was alright.  Fjord’s focus on the twisting of pink locks of hair felt intimate and kind, like the attention one would pay as you helped a small vine wind its way around a trellis.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It felt wonderful.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before long it was done, and Caduceus reached back to feel the uneven but tightly braided cording of hair, carefully bound off with a small tie like the ones Fjord wore to keep his own hair back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There we go,” he said softly.  “Not pretty, but it’ll keep the hair out of your face.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fjord stepped out from behind him, coming into view.  Caduceus smiled, and shifted in the water, letting himself sit up higher so his legs took up less space.  Fjord looked at him, uncertain, before Caduceus motioned to the water.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Would you… join me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hesitated for a moment, meeting eyes with Caduceus as if looking for permission.  He was still afraid of overstepping, and Caduceus wanted Fjord to know that he was safe too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You need it just as much as I do,” Caduceus said calmly, his smile gentle as he looked over Fjord’s thighs, remembering how sticky they had been the night before.  “And… I would like to see you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve seen me before,” Fjord answered, somewhat bashful.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Never in this context,” Caduceus replied.  “Never with this intention.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What </span>
  <em>
    <span>intention</span>
  </em>
  <span> is that?” questioned Fjord, though his body moved closer to the tub as he spoke.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The intention to </span>
  <em>
    <span>explore</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Caduceus admitted.  “And appreciate, if I may.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fjord’s face went ruddy once more, but he nodded in response.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You may.  May I join you?” Fjord asked, and Caduceus smiled at Fjord’s gentlemanly nature.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Green.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caduceus watched with patient calm as Fjord carefully pushed his smallclothes down, stepping out of them as they passed over his thick, muscular thighs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caduceus had to admit he knew very little about bodies that weren’t his own, but he knew that Fjord’s was special in many ways.  In the way his unique coloration spread from his face to his thighs, the way his belly lay soft and relaxed, the way his scars stood out on his skin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And the way his cock looked, flushed vibrant and verdant against a background of dark curls.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have I mentioned that I find you very handsome?” Caduceus said softly, enjoying Fjord’s blush.  “Every body has its own charm, but I must admit… She did some good work with yours.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-hey now,” Fjord chuckled, gesturing at his chest.  “She doesn’t get </span>
  <em>
    <span>all</span>
  </em>
  <span> the credit, I did some customization.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>true</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” admitted Caduceus with a smile, “Honestly, what She gives us is just a starting point.  The beauty comes from what we do with it afterwards.  Like… clay, becoming a pot in careful hands.  We’re molded by our choices into something more complex and beautiful than just flesh and blood.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s… huh.” Fjord sounded relieved.  “I admit, when I started all this Wildmother stuff I was afraid She… that She’d be disappointed that I… didn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>appreciate</span>
  </em>
  <span> what She gave me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caduceus felt a pang of guilt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh </span>
  <em>
    <span>no</span>
  </em>
  <span> Fjord,” soothed Caduceus, holding out a hand for him to grasp as he stepped over the lip of the bath.  “She doesn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>construct</span>
  </em>
  <span> us, like a statue with set features of Her design, stagnant and rigid.  She plants us in the earth and lets us </span>
  <em>
    <span>unfurl</span>
  </em>
  <span> in whatever way we see fit.  We grow like wildflowers: beautiful, chaotic, and </span>
  <em>
    <span>unplanned</span>
  </em>
  <span>.  And She wouldn’t want us any other way.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At that Fjord smiled wide, his tusks fully visible, and Caduceus’ heart skipped a beat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fjord sank into the water, kneeling in the bath across from Caduceus.  The tub was large, but they were still fairly close together, knees just barely touching.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re pretty,” Fjord said simply.  “She made you very pretty.  I hope it’s okay to say that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you Fjord,” Caduceus said with a smile of his own.  “She and I both appreciate the compliment.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They sat in the water in silence, just enjoying each other’s company for a bit while they soaked and felt the sweat and soil from the previous day wash away.  Eventually Caduceus grabbed the washcloth and offered it to Fjord, who was happy to scrub down his thighs as Caduceus grabbed another from the basket Fjord had put by the tub.  It didn’t take long for both of them to get clean.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Caduceus’ cock still </span>
  <em>
    <span>throbbed</span>
  </em>
  <span> softly in the warm heat of the bath, and drew his mind into new places that he did not expect.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So you wanna… play cards after this?” Fjord asked, glancing over to see Caduceus’ hooded eyes lingering on him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Perhaps later,” Caduceus admitted.  “I think my bloom is about to start up again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh.  </span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh</span>
  </em>
  <span>!” Fjord said, his expression equal parts shocked and embarrassed.  “S-sorry, yeah, we can take care of that.  What do you want to do?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I actually want to breach a </span>
  <em>
    <span>delicate</span>
  </em>
  <span> topic, before I’m too far gone,” Caduceus said, his hands shaking a little as he hung his washcloth on the side of the tub.  “The longer this goes on, the stronger my desire to </span>
  <em>
    <span>knot</span>
  </em>
  <span> is going to become.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fjord’s face went completely ruddy at the word “knot”.  “Ah.  Right.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m worried though, that my inexperience may cause problems,” he sighed.  “Or that it might be something you are uncomfortable with.  And I wanted to be sure we addressed it before going further.”  Fjord’s expression read like a thousand wheels were turning in his mind as he tried to work out exactly what this conversation was working towards, so Caduceus clarified.  “Penetrative sex with a knot is an </span>
  <em>
    <span>ordeal</span>
  </em>
  <span>, I am told.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-oh, well,” Fjord smiled bashfully.  “We don’t have to do that if you don’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>want</span>
  </em>
  <span> to.  If you think it will be too... </span>
  <em>
    <span>overwhelming</span>
  </em>
  <span> for you, I can just give you handjobs.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My concern is not </span>
  <em>
    <span>my</span>
  </em>
  <span> comfort, Fjord,” Caduceus replied.  “I am concerned about </span>
  <em>
    <span>yours</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh!  Oh you mean-” he gestured at himself, and that made both of them chuckle.  “Duces I wouldn’t have offered to be here if I wasn’t comfortable in all aspects of this.  Honest.  If you want to have sex, then I would be happy to help.  And if you think my handjobs will be enough, I’m happy to do that too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think they will,” Caduceus sighed, and Fjord’s expression took on a curious look.  “Not that they haven’t been wonderful, but firbolg coupling is strongly related to being tied, and I worry my instinct will push me there instead of just chasing release.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So we have sex,” Fjord shrugged.  “And if you knot me, you knot me.  We’ll make sure you cast that spell to keep me from getting pregnant, and it should be fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caduceus laughed.  “You say it so casually.  But I don’t know if I know… </span>
  <em>
    <span>how</span>
  </em>
  <span>.  And I’m worried I’ll hurt you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How about this,” Fjord said, shifting closer to Caduceus to take his hand.  “We take it very </span>
  <em>
    <span>very</span>
  </em>
  <span> slow, and work up to it.  I know a few workarounds we can do to get you used to the motions, and I can use that time to prep myself too.”  He put his forehead against Caduceus’. “ We go at </span>
  <em>
    <span>your</span>
  </em>
  <span> speed, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-okay,” Caduceus agreed, letting his head rest against Fjord’s.  “Thank you, Fjord.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So… What do you want to do now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d... like to touch you,” Caduceus said calmly.  “And I’d like you to touch me, if that’s alright.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, we can do that,” Fjord chuckled softly, getting comfortable in the warm water.  “Whatever you’d like.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caduceus’ hand reached out to Fjord, cutting smoothly through the water until it had reached his knee.  Softly, Caduceus let his hand drag up and down Fjord’s thigh, never going too high, staying soft and intimate.  Fjord returned the gesture, letting his own hand trail up and down Caduceus’ arm, taking in the soft ruffle of fur under his palm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They locked eyes for a moment, and a breath was held between them as they stroked in silence, letting the sound of running water be the only indication of movement.  Then, Caduceus leaned forward, moving to his knees.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When you’ve been intimate with others,” Caduceus said softly, bringing both his hands up to rest at Fjord’s hips.  “What is it you like to do together?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“To be honest I haven’t made a lot of decisions in the past,” admitted Fjord.  “People suggest things and I just kind of go along for the ride.  Not usually the one taking the reins in these situations.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wouldn’t even know what to suggest,” Caduceus answered with a chuckle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s okay,” Fjord said, letting his hands drift down Caduceus’ arms until they were able to grasp the firbolg’s gently.  “Let me…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Delicately, like he was holding something fragile, Fjord guided Caduceus’ hands to where he wanted them: one in the small of his back, the other cupping the back of his head.  As they moved, he shifted his body so that his legs were spread, and slotted themselves on either side of Caduceus’ thigh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There we go,” he hummed, “Comfortable?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caduceus nodded.  “What should I do now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s see… I like kissing, honestly there’s no place I don’t like putting my mouth,” Fjord explained, his lips now hovering close to Caduceus’ ear.  “I like it when people touch my chest, but my nipples can be real sensitive so we’ll ease into that.  And I… </span>
  <em>
    <span>really</span>
  </em>
  <span> like it when my hair gets pulled.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that a pleasurable thing?” Caduceus asked, feeling his fingers softly entwined in Fjord’s hair and suddenly aware of why Fjord had put them there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Think of it like the brush earlier,” Fjord said softly, “but just a </span>
  <em>
    <span>touch</span>
  </em>
  <span> rougher.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I see,” replied Caduceus.  “And what will you do?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m gonna rub myself against your skinny-ass thigh,” Fjord laughed, and Caduceus’ could hear the smallest hint of a growl in the half orc’s tone.  “Warm myself up, and see if I can find what you like too.  Let you get used to having someone so close in this context.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caduceus nodded, and he felt Fjord’s thick thighs flex around his own.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know what to say if I do something you don’t like?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Red.”  Caduceus answered clearly and calmly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fjord looked him over, and met his eyes softly.  “We can stop at any time.  This is like... practice, you don’t have to feel pressured to do anything.  Do you want to try it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caduceus nodded with a smile.  “Green.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At the signal Fjord’s body moved forward, pushing Caduceus gently back so that he was resting against the edge of the tub once more, and he let an arm curl around Caduceus’ neck while the other dropped between them, palming Caduceus’ semi-erect cock and pressing it against his soft belly.  Caduceus followed suit, letting his fingers close in Fjord’s hair while his other hand rubbed the small of Fjord’s back.  He could feel Fjord shifting his weight, moving his body to position himself over his offered thigh as he pulled himself closer to Caduceus.  Caduceus relaxed into it, letting Fjord position his body how he needed until Fjord’s mouth rested against the place where Caduceus neck and shoulder met.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t know exactly what to expect, but Fjord seemed to know what he was doing.  Pressing his lips to Caduceus’ pulse, Fjord closed his palm around Caduceus’ cock and rocked his hips, dragging his hot center over Caduceus’ thigh.  The water made the movement slow but smooth, and Caduceus imagined that Fjord probably was very wet down there aside from the bath.  He could feel Fjord’s pulse in his thighs, and the drag of his cock where it made contact as his hips rose and fell, grinding his body against Caduceus, hand working loosely over the firbolg cock now pressed between their bellies.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s all about the hips,” Fjord breathed, mouthing along Caduceus’ throat with soft kisses and gentle nips.  He rolled his body once more, and Caduceus felt the soft squeeze of Fjord’s thighs around him.  “Tell me what you’re feeling.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I feel warm,” Caduceus answered, letting his hand on the small of Fjord’s back dig his fingers in softly.  “I feel the way your body is tensing and relaxing.  It feels… strange.  Intimate.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean it </span>
  <em>
    <span>is</span>
  </em>
  <span> intimate… I feel your heart pounding,” Fjord answered, his tusks nudging softly into the hollow of Caduceus’ throat.  “Are you nervous?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A-a little,” Caduceus admitted, petting softly at Fjord’s hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not going to do anything without your permission,” Fjord assured him, his body rolling against him once more.  “Right now I’m just letting your body feel another body moving next to it.  Just relax and focus on how it feels.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He did.  He focused on the way Fjord’s thighs tightened with each roll of his hips, dragging himself against Caduceus with long, careful breaths.  The strength it required to hold himself up and lower himself down could be felt with each movement, and Caduceus wondered why Fjord had chosen this position to start with.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Does… does it feel good to be on my thigh like that?” Caduceus asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The fur is new,” Fjord laughed, but he punctuated it with another flex of his thighs as he shifted his hips once more.  “Kinda like grinding against a blanket.  But it’s… nice.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is it the friction that feels good?” Caduceus wondered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-yeah,” Fjord responded, letting his hips pull through a particularly slow drag.  “Does the friction feel good for you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caduceus focused in on the way his cock was rubbing against Fjord’s belly, his warm palm stroking on the other side.  It did feel good, though Caduceus wasn’t sure if it was the warmth or the friction that made it so nice.  Yesterday he had been so fogged over he hadn’t had time to even realize what was actually occurring beyond </span>
  <em>
    <span>pleasure</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but now that he was easing into it he was aware of what he was feeling, and </span>
  <em>
    <span>why</span>
  </em>
  <span> he was feeling it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think so,” Caduceus mused.  “Does sex usually involve so much… rubbing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean it depends on what you like,” Fjord answered with a huff of laughter.  “Some people like friction, some people like pressure.  Some people like </span>
  <em>
    <span>pain</span>
  </em>
  <span>, you know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh I remember that from some of Jester’s books,” Caduceus replied.  “I don’t think I would like that, but it’s hard to say without experiencing it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fjord laughed.  “Yeah I don’t think people know if they like it until they try it.  Probably too much for your </span>
  <em>
    <span>first</span>
  </em>
  <span> time, though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caduceus paused at that.  “I honestly don’t know how to do this…” he took a deep breath.  Fjord was here to help, and he trusted Fjord to be honest with him, not to tease him for his inexperience.  That’s why they were here, because they </span>
  <em>
    <span>trusted</span>
  </em>
  <span> each other.  “How… how do people know what to do?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They try things,” Fjord answered calmly.  “And they talk with each other about what they do and don’t like.  And they listen to their bodies.  Try listening to yours.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fjord pressed his mouth once more to Caduceus’ neck, and Caduceus felt his head fall back against the edge of the tub.  Closing his eyes, he tried to empty his head to find that space he had slipped into yesterday.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>This experience was natural, his urges were natural, his feelings were natural… She made them both, and She made them well.  Their bodies were </span>
  <em>
    <span>temples</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and they... were </span>
  <em>
    <span>animals</span>
  </em>
  <span>.  A part of everything, a part of Her.  He just had to let go, to listen to what his body was telling him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He just had to </span>
  <em>
    <span>be.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Caduceus felt his hips roll up to meet Fjord’s motions, almost on their own.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There we go,” Fjord cooed, kissing Caduceus’ cheek as he gave Caduceus’ cock a gentle, reassuring squeeze.  “Nice job, beautiful, you’re doing great.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His hips shifted again, and Caduceus felt his cock pulse with his heart.  “She’s showing me the way.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I suppose nature is the best teacher,” Fjord laughed, and moved his head to kiss Caduceus’ lips softly.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The fingers in Fjord’s hair tightened, and Caduceus could hear a soft rumble in Fjord’s chest that made him feel </span>
  <em>
    <span>warm</span>
  </em>
  <span>.  They moved together for a bit, hips shifting as Fjord carefully kissed and palmed, and Caduceus felt Fjord’s heart speeding up with his.  Finally Caduceus felt his hips twitch harder than they had before, and his legs spasmed in the water, almost throwing Fjord off balance, but nothing else seemed to happen.  Fjord stopped moving, but both of their hearts were </span>
  <em>
    <span>racing</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You feeling okay, darling?” Fjord whispered, and Caduceus nodded, eyes still closed.  “Think you’re ready to head back to the bed?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fluttering his eyes open, Caduceus looked into Fjord’s soft expression.  “A-are you…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>No no no</span>
  </em>
  <span>, we’re not there <em>yet</em>, Ducey,” Fjord assured him as he sat back, but Caduceus already missed the warm closeness of his body more than anything else.  “We’ve got lots of time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-but I didn’t…” Caduceus felt heavy, head spinning.  In their previous encounters there had been a </span>
  <em>
    <span>release</span>
  </em>
  <span>, an edge he had reached and tipped over, but...  “Nothing happened.  D-did I do something wrong?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shh it’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>fine</span>
  </em>
  <span> darling,” came Fjord’s soft response as he gently untangled Caduceus’ hands from around him.  “We weren’t doing much, and sometimes it’s nice to not get all the way there right away.  You’re not fully worked up yet, I don’t think your hormones have kicked in.  And anyway, I think it would be nicer to do this in that </span>
  <em>
    <span>really</span>
  </em>
  <span> soft bed, you know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I see,” replied Caduceus, feeling a knot he did not realize had formed in his stomach quickly untangled itself.  He had been worried, but about </span>
  <em>
    <span>what</span>
  </em>
  <span> he wasn’t sure.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re doing great,” Fjord assured him.  “This was nice, and I'm having fun.  Come on…” He got to his feet, letting the water roll off his emerald skin as he stepped from the tub.  He grabbed a towel from the basket, wrapping it around his waist before extending a hand to help Caduceus up.  Standing, Caduceus felt the water clinging to his fur, pulling him back towards the warmth of the tub, but he resisted it’s call, knees straightening.  He stood, dripping and cool in the center of the tub, and reached for the towel that Fjord offered him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m gonna go get the bed ready,” Fjord said softly, letting Caduceus squeeze his hand gently before releasing the towel. “You get yourself dry and join me when you’re comfortable.  We got all day, so take your time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And as Caduceus watched Fjord leave, still dripping wet himself as he held the towel around his waist, Caduceus couldn’t help but feel a small twinge of affection for the man taking care of him.  Fjord was a wonderful friend, but a wonderful </span>
  <em>
    <span>person</span>
  </em>
  <span> as well.  And now that Caduceus felt comfortable with his role in this, he could appreciate Fjord’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>kindness</span>
  </em>
  <span> in all this.  Fjord had been so nervous about hurting Caduceus but...  He reached up once more to feel the messy braid Fjord had finished for him, and felt </span>
  <em>
    <span>safe</span>
  </em>
  <span>.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was </span>
  <em>
    <span>always</span>
  </em>
  <span> safe with Fjord.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Originally there was going to be (oral) sex in this chapter, but it didn't feel natural so I took it out and will save it for a place where it fits better.  I thought it was a good idea for Caduceus to ease into penetrative sex because it would be really overwhelming to have that be your first experience, so the next few chapters will be Fjord teaching Caduceus the ropes in a way that is safe and comfortable for them both.</p><p>Again, I am ace but not aro so if my lovely aro readers spot me overstepping anywhere please let me know.  I'm trying to be very careful in how I'm wording Caduceus' experience, because it IS special for him and he does CARE about Fjord, but it has nothing to do with romantic attraction towards Fjord, but for me as a person who DOES experience romantic attraction I know that that line gets... muddy.  I may be leaning too heavily on "trust" instead of "love", but that's kind of the best understanding I could come to for this, but that may be just because the word "love" in English is incredibly stupid and we really should have more words to describe the huge array of emotions that it covers.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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